Tarzan and Jane walk down the street. Jane smiles sweetly. She says she's been thinking about the plane that was supposed to take him home. "Even with no mirror," Tarzan says, "you keep looking back." And then Jane says, "Well, this time, I'm looking in the other direction. I'm looking forward to the next plane. I don't want you to get on it." Tarzan says that when he's there, she's in danger. "There are worse things," Jane says. God. "Like what?" Tarzan asks. This show. It should come with health insurance. Jane: "Like you spending the rest of your life alone because of me. I don't want that. And I don't know what's gonna happen with...us, or with anything. But I'm sick of running. I think we should go back and face your uncle. Face everything. What do you think?" Tarzan "thinks." Then: "Will you teach me how to drive?" Jane laughs and says she will. First teach him how to tie a shoelace. And how to use a comb. And tell him boys shouldn't wear chambray denim shirts anymore. And also: shut up. Jane walks away, and Tarzan looks back like, "Dude? Am I getting laid tonight?" And then the closed captioning says "[ooh-ooh ooh ooh-ooh]" and it's all too hysterical. It's so funny I almost forget to be angry that they cheated me out of my Minute with Mitch Pileggi™.

Next week: Xena gets my haircut.