Tarzan
For Love Of Country

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
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Every Which Way But Loose

Dude. We're supposed to believe that at some point last night Jane and Tarzan played Cribbage. Come the fuck on. Tarzan can't count to fifteen. Well, they weren't playing Cribbage correctly anyway, so whatever. Maybe Tarzan knows some kind of jungle Cribbage he used to play with the tigers. Carey walks into the cabin and opens Jane's wallet, checking out her badge. Didn't she have to turn that in last week? Carey gives the cabin a good stare-down.

I guess Gene's too damn lazy to walk the twenty-five feet to the cabin, and prefers to let Carey wander into a potentially hostile situation unarmed and alone. Good thing they weren't home, huh, Carey? "Well?" Gene asks impatiently. "We got the right place," Carey tells him. Gene sighs and opens his trunk. He pulls out a couple of guns. They load them.

Tarzan and Jane are wandering somewhere. Jane decides to ask Tarzan what it was like for him where he grew up. She asks if he was scared or happy. Did he wonder where his parents were? Dead next to him, thanks. "Was it exciting, all that freedom?" Jane asks. Tarzan admits that it was, and Jane laughs. Jane says he must have been more at home there than in the city. Tarzan says it wasn't. Tarzan has a cold. Jane: "But you knew it so well. I mean, John, it was your world." Tarzan: "No, it wasn't." Jane: "Why not?" Tarzan pouts and then admits, "There was no one like me." Aw. "I was different. Alone. It was dark all the time." Tarzan walks up and grabs Jane's boob. "In here," he continues. They stare at each other, bathing in the silence, able to sustain themselves off the cheese content in that last sentence. There's a sound of birds flying, and a crow. The closed captioning tells me there are "[footsteps]," but I don't hear them. "John," Jane whines. Tarzan looks away and finally covers Jane's mouth with his hand. "Shh," he says. "They're coming." Jane is so turned on right now.

Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro are running through the...sorry. It's Gene, in hunting gear for whatever reason, and Carey in plain clothes.

Tarzan and Jane wait until they can see the men running toward them, and then they take off.

Sam somehow made the drive -- which took both Jane and Gene all night long -- in less than two hours. Go, Sam. Where'd you get the car, by the way? "Jane!" He runs to the cabin. "Jane!" He runs in. He runs out. "Jane!"

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Tarzan

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