For Love Of Country

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Every Which Way But Loose

Sam jokes that Gene's doing the perp walk to his own car. Behind him, Jeb's completely unsupervised. He and Sam stare at each other for a second, and with that look, I see the thirty or so pages of storylines about the two of them that got scrapped. "Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go," Sam says as he pushes Jeb into the car. Tarzan pouts. "Hey, hey, hey, hey," Sam says, warning Tarzan to step back from the car. "It's the last one we got." Tarzan looks to Jane, who agrees, and puts her hand out like a kindergarten teacher for him to take. Sam radios in backup. Now? Sam tells Jane and Tarzan to get out of there. Wait, what? I thought...oh, forget it. Jane hugs Sam and thanks him. Sam is forced to call Jeb and Gene "hella crazy," and warns Jane that they might describe her and Tarzan. Tarzan nods, suddenly able to understand the word "hella." He tells her how the lieu said he'd put her in protective custody. Sam advises her to do it. Sam tells Sheriff Tim to round up "Barney and Gomer and Goober." Tarzan takes a moment to stare deep into Sam's eyes. Kiss him! Man, that would make Jane jealous. "Thank you," he says. Sam nods and tells Tarzan not to worry about it: "I'll put it on your tab." Bad music whisks Jane and Tarzan off into the night.

Tarzan and Jane walk down the street. Jane smiles sweetly. She says she's been thinking about the plane that was supposed to take him home. "Even with no mirror," Tarzan says, "you keep looking back." And then Jane says, "Well, this time, I'm looking in the other direction. I'm looking forward to the next plane. I don't want you to get on it." Tarzan says that when he's there, she's in danger. "There are worse things," Jane says. God. "Like what?" Tarzan asks. This show. It should come with health insurance. Jane: "Like you spending the rest of your life alone because of me. I don't want that. And I don't know what's gonna happen with...us, or with anything. But I'm sick of running. I think we should go back and face your uncle. Face everything. What do you think?" Tarzan "thinks." Then: "Will you teach me how to drive?" Jane laughs and says she will. First teach him how to tie a shoelace. And how to use a comb. And tell him boys shouldn't wear chambray denim shirts anymore. And also: shut up. Jane walks away, and Tarzan looks back like, "Dude? Am I getting laid tonight?" And then the closed captioning says "[ooh-ooh ooh ooh-ooh]" and it's all too hysterical. It's so funny I almost forget to be angry that they cheated me out of my Minute with Mitch Pileggi™.

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