For Love Of Country

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Every Which Way But Loose

"So, John, what made you think you could drive a car?" Jane's a slow reader, or so we must surmise from the fact that her head's still in that one piece of paper she's been carrying around since they left Sam's car. "I saw people do it," Tarzan says. "People in city." Where? Your city was pretty devoid of cars, from what I've seen on this show. Jane says that was his first mistake, because people in the city can't drive. Try the veal, people. A police car pulls up behind them. Once again, Jane tells Tarzan to stay behind and let her deal with this. She tells him to try not to look like a fugitive. Jane tells the sheriff she's glad to see him, because they had a mishap with their car. Oh, good, Jane. Now they won't trace that car without plates to you. The sheriff says he saw that gray four-door, and asks what happened. Jane says that a bee flew in the window, and that she has a thing about bees. Jane sucks. "You from the city?" asks the cop. Jane says that she is, and asks if it's that obvious. The sheriff says that a tow truck is on the way. He offers to give them a lift to the garage, which is twenty miles away. Tarzan makes a guilty face, and I'm surprised he doesn't shout, "Jane! He'll take me back to the jungle!" Jane says she's got a friend who lives up the road, and that he'll give them a lift. "He's probably worried about us," Jane lies to a cop. And doesn't she think it's a little risky lying to a sheriff of a small cabin town where there's nobody around? I mean, the sheriff is going to know there's nobody up in that cabin. The sheriff checks out Jane's ass as she walks away, and asks her name. Jane lies and calls herself Dianna Morris. Miss Morris, wherever you are, I do believe you should sue. The sheriff says, "Your car's got no [sic] plates." "It did," Jane lies again. The sheriff takes a quick look at Tarzan, whose toes curl when he lies, and this kicks off some tribal flute. Jane looks guilty as hell. The sheriff tells her he'll stop by the garage later and check on them. Jane thanks him and walks away. The sheriff gets back into his car. He's got a rearview air freshener shaped like a fish.

"Later." Tarzan walks through a field. He's found a walking stick. He smiles, happy to be in a place that has trees, even though it's nothing like a Congo jungle. Jane grumps up behind him, saying that this is why she quit Girl Scouts: "I hate the bugs, and I hate dust." She checks her map and then looks up in the air, saying she needs some bug spray. Tarzan is all grins. Jane says they're close to the cabin. "We also want to find a glass of water...before Jane drops dead." Tarzan, throw the map in the water. Jane's talking in the third person. Finally, this could get interesting.

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