Pilot (1)

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
Me Tarzan. You WB. Me Flimsy Premise. You Low Standards.

Michael's important phone call is about the serial killer. He walks outside the restaurant and onto the street. He says he needs the profiles right away. The camera swoops back around, and "tribal" music makes a snake-tail sound as we see that Michael has come face to face with Tarzan. They stare at each other for a second, and then Michael puts his call on hold. He slips a bill into Tarzan's hand, telling him to get himself something to eat. He walks away, back on the phone.

Inside the restaurant, Jane is at her table. She looks up, assuming that Michael is standing beside her. "Hey, that --" she starts. But no. It's Tarzan. He's looking down at her, kinda smiling. "John," she says. "Hello," he says again. "What are you doing here?" she asks. Probably not the first thing I'd say to an escaped apeman who was spying on me through the tiny window in the nearby restaurant. Tarzan has superpowers, you guys. Tarzan wasn't supposed to be a superhero, was he? "I came to see you," Tarzan smiles. Before Jane can comment on Tarzan's awesome grasp of the English language without a trace of an accent, the snooty maitre d' is on Tarzan's ass, clearing his throat, asking Jane if this thing is with her. "We have a strict dress code," he hisses. Shot of Tarzan's bare, but clean, feet. "Is he barefoot?" Tarzan looks down like he didn't know he was. The maitre d' says that Tarzan cannot be in this building, and that Tarzan and Jane must leave immediately. Jane apologizes. She says she'll get her boyfriend and then they'll go. "Get this guy out of here!" the maitre d' hisses. And Tarzan is immediately on him, growling, and scaring him into taking a few steps back. Jane yells at Tarzan not to attack. She pushes him toward the kitchen with both hands, saying they need to go out the door. But the door's the other way! You forgot your purse!

Rip in space-time continuum! Cop cars pull outside of the restaurant, just as Michael's finishing up the world's longest cell-phone call. He asks what they're doing there -- "they" being the MWF who has no mask, Clayton, and Sam. That is an interesting crew, isn't it? Sam asks where Jane is. Michael says that she's inside. Clayton, your interior light is on.

Inside, however, most people are just behaving normally, going about their restaurant business. "The lady left," the maitre d' says to Michael. "What?" he immediately asks. "With the barefoot gentleman." "The barefoot gentleman?" Michael asks, afflicted with a touch of echolalia. Clayton threatens Sam that if anything happens to Tarzan...but Sam interrupts to say this isn't Jane's fault. Is Jane wearing a tracking device? Clayton says he knew that if he found Jane, he'd find Tarzan: "I guess I was right. Wasn't I?" The other patrons are being incredibly patient.

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