Tarzan
Pilot (1)

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
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Me Tarzan. You WB. Me Flimsy Premise. You Low Standards.

Tarzan's on the roof again, flipping over the fire escape, dropping from one floor to another as the music plays. He dangles and cartwheels over the poles. The Tarzan stunt gymnast is crazy impressive. Michael finally appears on the roof with his gun drawn. Tarzan is long gone, doing a spinny jump from the last of the fire escape ladder. Tarzan slides down someone's laundry rope. (For some reason, it's raining only in that one shot.) Michael is open-mouthed, and shocked.

When two cops have a hunch, it's best to find an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the night when nobody knows where you are and just enter it, not bothering to call for backup. Particularly if neither of you is wearing any kind of protection. That's what I've discovered on my trips with television cops, anyway. Sam and Jane are ready to do what TV cops do best: get themselves in some serious bullshit that only a superhero monkey-man knows how to get out of. This show must have been sponsored by Energizer, because the flashlights are out again. Jane and Sam find the van with the "Dead Crawl" logo. "Nice work," Jane says to Sam. You mean looking up the address on Yahoo Maps? Yeah, good work, there, Sammy. Jane and Sam round another hallway with guns and flashlights drawn. "We're clear," Jane says calmly, which always means the opposite. They find a rickety old metal staircase. Jane says she's going to go up. "Stay in touch," Sam says. Well, if there's a serial killer, that means that young women have to make really stupid decisions because they're thinking about boys, and then everybody almost dies. So here goes. Jane goes upstairs.

Jane finds a room with a television playing some old movie that serial killers like to leave on in the background of things while they plan to kill the cops who just found something that will help solve the case. It's because the cops always get distracted by what's on television. Jane apparently doesn't care if the killer knows she's in the room, because Sam radios her at this point and they have a little chat about how she might have found him up here. He says he's on his way, but Jane's too impatient, and slowly makes her way over to the chair facing the television. She shines her flashlight on it, but it's a good thing he hasn't noticed her yet.

Sam tries to run up the stairs, but once he makes it to the top, the door closes on his head. He yells, but Jane can't hear it because she's more than one foot away. Sam tumbles down the stairs and passes out like all good partners do. Our bad guy watches.

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Tarzan

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