Tarzan
Pilot (1)

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Me Tarzan. You WB. Me Flimsy Premise. You Low Standards.
ting dialogue you won't see anywhere else. They stare at each other until the Cap says, "Now, I'm done here. With both a ya." Sam raises his hands in the air and walks away. You're too close to the case, Porter! You're a loose cannon, Sam! Let's check on the original pilot for a second, shall we? Looks the same to me.

Homeless people. A mother and her son. She covers him in a blanket and calls him handsome. A BadManVan screeches down the alley. HomelessMom knows enough to pull her child out of the way and look worried. This show has the cleanest homeless people I've ever seen. Out of the BadManVan steps our perp. His van door reads: "Dead Crawl Extermination." The man approaches with a tank of insecticide. We see him for the first time. Now that's a dirty man.-- all sweaty with Serial-Killer Hair, and that mouth-breathing reserved for people who maim and mutilate. The man and the homeless family stare each other down in broad daylight. The music swells. Cut!

Jane's place. Nicki asks, "Come on, tell me. On a scale of 1 to 10. Is he a 7? A 9? A 10?" Jane doesn't want to answer. Nicki reminds Jane that the man saved her life: "That's so romantic." Jane says it's not romantic -- it's a case. Nicki: Right. Forgot. Why would your life ever be romantic?" Nicki leaves, and Jane looks up and smiles. She goes back to her laptop, equipped with fancy downloading capabilities. She's in the middle of The History of Greystoke Industries, a pop-up window she's downloading from some financial website. Honestly. It informs us that Greystoke CEO Richard Clayton's life has not been all mergers and success. On April 24th, 1983, his younger brother John -- who was the Greystoke CEO at the time -- was in a plane crash with his family over the jungles of the Congo (cue map of "Congo," complete with dot of "crash."). John, his wife Alice, and their son John Jr. were missing. The picture in the website report happens to be exactly the same photograph Tarzan carries in his locket -- the one photo that family ever took, I guess. And considering that locket's been in the jungles of the National Republic of Congo since 1983, it's holding up exceptionally well. Tarzan's photo looks brand-new. Apparently, Richard spent millions on expeditions to Africa to find his brother and his family, but last October he discovered the downed Cessna and the remains of his family. Here we see a little boy on a swing, shouting, "Higher, Dad! Higher!" Not too high, son. Daddy will crash. Original pilot: OtherSister asks if Tarzan goes up to 11, not saying that the thing was romantic. She apologizes, without the crack about Jane's life never being romantic. Nicki then enters the room again, asking, "He's an 11 then, right?" She leaves, satisfied. Jane shakes her head. The rest remains the same, including Jane having to show us the locket with the photo. We get it.

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Tarzan

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