Tarzan

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | 553 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
You're Da-Vine, Yo

Cut to "later." Donald finishes the story that we've been flashing back to with every episode. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. He says that the blond man tried to save the other man, but that his hand slipped. And for some reason, in this version of the flashback, Jane screams "Michael!" with much more emotion than she did in the actual episode. Donald says that the detective fell, and that he didn't look after that. Jane leads the witness thusly: "So from what you saw, it was an accident." Donald folds a paper and agrees. "So, uh, that's it," he says. She asks what he means. He says he told, so it's over and he doesn't have to testify. He says he doesn't want to get more involved, because he doesn't ever leave his apartment, so he can't go to the police station to record anything because he'll get heart palpitations: "Please don't make me go." And that's enough for Jane, who doesn't want to tape him talking, video or audio, or make him sign some kind of statement or whatever. She just lets it go.

Back in "Manhattan," according to the building behind Sam and Jane, Sam can't believe that Jane is considering letting Donald off. Sam reminds Jane (after saying her first name) that Donald is a witness who confirms that Michael's death was an accident. Jane says that maybe Tarzan would get charged with assault instead: "Or maybe, Sam, there are some hotheads up in there who don't care what he was charged with. They just want revenge for Michael's death." Sam: "Or maybe everything will work out." Jane: "Sam, that's too many 'maybe's." Oh. My. God. What the hell is going on? How do these things get made? Seriously. Do you know how many pilots get written every year, and how many of those pilots get made, and how precious few of them ever make it to air? And then somehow those precious few that make it, how do they suck so hard like this? How do lines like "Sam, that's too many 'maybe's" actually get past every single person whose job it is to say no? How does that happen? Sam asks if she's going to ignore the witness and pretend it never happened. Jane: "I don't know, Sam. I don't know." Sam whispers, "Jane, that's a crime. And you could ruin your career. Hell, you could ruin mine. I'm sorry, but this is my investigation, and I gotta take it to Connor." Jane: "Sam, you can't do that. You don't understand. John's different." She says that if they come to question him, Tarzan will attack them and he'll end up in jail. I am starting to think that Tarzan belongs in a cage, and not in the light, because if he can't deal with anyone other than Jane without almost killing him, then perhaps he shouldn't be allowed to roam free. Jane reminds Sam that Tarzan's uncle is still "out there" waiting for Tarzan "to surface." She concludes: "Sam, it's too dangerous." He asks why it's her job to protect John Clayton. "No one else is gonna get hurt because of me," she answers, but I'm not really sure what that means. Neither is Sam, who just looks around instead of getting the last word in and the scene ends. I'd like to count how many times they've started a sentence with someone's first name. Because it's a LOT.

Tarzan

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