Tarzan
Rules Of Engagement

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You're Da-Vine, Yo

Back in "Manhattan," according to the building behind Sam and Jane, Sam can't believe that Jane is considering letting Donald off. Sam reminds Jane (after saying her first name) that Donald is a witness who confirms that Michael's death was an accident. Jane says that maybe Tarzan would get charged with assault instead: "Or maybe, Sam, there are some hotheads up in there who don't care what he was charged with. They just want revenge for Michael's death." Sam: "Or maybe everything will work out." Jane: "Sam, that's too many 'maybe's." Oh. My. God. What the hell is going on? How do these things get made? Seriously. Do you know how many pilots get written every year, and how many of those pilots get made, and how precious few of them ever make it to air? And then somehow those precious few that make it, how do they suck so hard like this? How do lines like "Sam, that's too many 'maybe's" actually get past every single person whose job it is to say no? How does that happen? Sam asks if she's going to ignore the witness and pretend it never happened. Jane: "I don't know, Sam. I don't know." Sam whispers, "Jane, that's a crime. And you could ruin your career. Hell, you could ruin mine. I'm sorry, but this is my investigation, and I gotta take it to Connor." Jane: "Sam, you can't do that. You don't understand. John's different." She says that if they come to question him, Tarzan will attack them and he'll end up in jail. I am starting to think that Tarzan belongs in a cage, and not in the light, because if he can't deal with anyone other than Jane without almost killing him, then perhaps he shouldn't be allowed to roam free. Jane reminds Sam that Tarzan's uncle is still "out there" waiting for Tarzan "to surface." She concludes: "Sam, it's too dangerous." He asks why it's her job to protect John Clayton. "No one else is gonna get hurt because of me," she answers, but I'm not really sure what that means. Neither is Sam, who just looks around instead of getting the last word in and the scene ends. I'd like to count how many times they've started a sentence with someone's first name. Because it's a LOT.

Jane "works." Her pen is in her mouth. She looks up and sees Sam on his computer, typing. Jane looks down and blinks a lot as she sighs. Guess what Sam says next? "Hey." Jane looks up and sets her jaw. "Talking to me again?" she asks. Man, this show. You guys, come on. Let's get out of here. When was he not talking to her? For the two seconds at the end of the last scene? They've been together presumably since then. Whatever. WHATEVER. Sam says he was going to make Jane suffer a little longer, but he just did something so cool that he has to tell somebody. He says he'll come to her. He walks over and types something on her ancient computer. He says he searched "our database" for all of Howard Rhinehart's S.W.A.T. appointments. He then pulled up all of the cases of that list that got dismissed for crap police work. Twenty-seven cases were listed. "That's depressing," Jane notes. This database is called "City of New York POLICE DEPARTMENT." And the search that Sam did was "Howard Rhinehart's E.S.U deployments." Sam tells Jane to look at #2: "Thomas Flicker." It says "Robbery and Homicide, sliced victims throat [sic]." Sam says that Flicker mugged and killed "an old lady." Thomas is doing twenty-five years to life because his accomplice and young brother, Damon Flicker, squealed on him in exchange for immunity. Wait, I thought this was a list of cases that got dismissed because...oh, whatever. "And because Damon was a juvenile, his records were sealed." They share a high-five as Jane says, "Sam, that's perfect. Ties Rhinehart to Flicker." Sam says, "Hey." Then Jane says, "Hey." I'm not kidding. Jane asks if Sam put the list in this order. Sam says that it's chronological. Jane points out the first name on the list: Lancaster. I'd like to tell you that according to the list, Samuel Lancaster is in for "grand theft, Drug Trafficing [sic], Ressisting [sic] arrest..." Jane asks Sam if he thinks the sniper is taking this list out in order -- this list that Sam came up with using the police database. Whatever. Sam asks again if she thinks that the sniper is just checking these people off of the list. Jane says that if there's one thing she knows, it's lists. They go to the third name on the list: Steven Bolinsky. "Possesion [sic]." Someone needs to buy the NYPD's database a spellchecker. Jane can read things we can't, and tells us that "Possesion" and "Automatic Weapons" actually means "Sexually assaulted a thirteen-year-old kid." Do they think we can't read the words on the screen? "Walked after the lab lost the evidence. He could be our shooter's next victim." Sigh. "Think we should track him down?" Jane asks. "Yeah, it's worth a shot." Sam apologizes for the unintentional/intentional joke. Keep apologizing, Sam.

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Tarzan

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