Tarzan
Rules Of Engagement

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You're Da-Vine, Yo

Jane walks three steps away, and immediately sees Tarzan. It's kind of creepy, the stalking, isn't it? I'd start to assume that Tarzan was killing people just to get Jane to come out to where he is and flirt with him for information. Tarzan leans down from his rooftop perch and stares at Jane. Jane stares back. Wind pipes and cymbals crash. Pianos plink. Jane makes a quick glance over at Sam, who is apparently the only cop on the scene, and then walks toward the fire escape. She's going to climb that entire building?

And here we are on the one rooftop in New York, the one where all action happens, but which we're supposed to think is a different rooftop every time. Yeah. Too bad they haven't done a thing to make it look any different. Anyway, Jane walks through that one door people are always entering from and looks around trying to find Tarzan since he continually plays hide and seek from her. Why even bother recapping? If they aren't going to change this show from episode to episode, what's the point? Tarzan whips into frame and the music tries to scare us, since he didn't. Jane is momentarily frightened, pants, and then says, "Hi, John." They smile at each other. "Hi." Dammit, why does every scene start with people saying hello and then just a slew of first names? Gah! Jane then AGAIN reminds us that Tarzan's uncle is looking for him, so it's dangerous for him to be out in public like this. I've seriously recapped that line of dialogue at least seven times in four episodes. Jane looks over the rooftop because there are more police sirens in the distance. When she looks back up, Tarzan strokes her neck and says he wants to help her. I know I've recapped that sentence three times already. Jane takes Tarzan's hand and says this isn't helping. Tarzan smiles. Jane circles Tarzan and says it'd be a good idea if they set up some rules. She doesn't want them to touch anymore. Blink. Blink. "I like it," Tarzan says. "Okay. I don't," Jane says. Blink. Blink. "Yes, you do," Tarzan argues. "No, look..." Jane says. Then there's this piece of brilliance as she walks to the other side of him again: "There is right and wrong and touching between us is wrong." Tarzan asks why. Jane lowers her head solemnly and says, "That has to do with Mike." That's the first time he's been called by that affectionate nickname. Tarzan still doesn't lose his smile, even when talking about a man he "killed." Jane then realizes that now might not be the best time to talk about their relationship and touching, because there's another dead guy on the street below them, since Jane is at "work." This makes Tarzan go, "Jane," which makes Jane go, "John." Tarzan grabs Jane from behind and holds her, and Jane scolds, "John, this counts as touching!" Tarzan opens his hand, the one at Jane's breast, and shows her the bullet /rifle shell/ whatever- I'm-not-a- member- of-the-NRA- but-I-know- enough-to-know- Tarzan-just- seriously-tampered- with-some-evidence- and-now- the-sniper- will-roam- free-forever. I don't know why Jane would be surprised that Tarzan was close to the crime scene and saw the entire thing go down, since he's killed half of his witnesses and the other half mysteriously don't talk about how they got their asses kicked by Tarzan. But anyway, Jane talks to Tarzan like he's a retarded dog and orders him to tell her everything he saw. This turns Tarzan on, but before anything can happen, the scene just ends with the two of them heated, excited and smiling over a bullet. What-to-the-ever, y'all.

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Tarzan

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