Tarzan
Rules Of Engagement

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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
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You're Da-Vine, Yo

Sam's listening to a tape, on which a man says that if there's a reward for information on Mike's death, then he can come up with something. Jane walks over and listens smugly for a little while before asking who that is. Sam turns off the tape and says it's one of his "many concerned wackos." He was listening to the tip line. He says that as long as he's running a pretend investigation, he has to follow up on all the pretend leads. Jane thanks him and says she owes him one. "No, you don't," Sam says. "You owe me more than one." Jane makes a shitty "our friend Flicker" joke before showing Sam the rap sheet on Lancaster, the first victim. He beat his girlfriend to death with a nine-iron, but the Miranda warning was botched, so he walked. Hmm, did Sam or Jane work on the case? Might explain things. Jane explains that the sharpshooter on the S.W.A.T. team who got Lancaster out of his apartment to arrest him was named Harold Rhinehart. Rhinehart's gun registration shows an HJ-130 precision sniper rifle. He's a retired cop. Jane asks if that's enough to take to Connor. It's certainly not enough to warrant this entire B-plot. "Nope," Sam says. But it's apparently enough for them to go searching his house without a warrant, without backup. Yay, cops.

Club Xena. Tarzan stares out a window until Xena walks into the room and asks if he's going to stare out the window all day. Tarzan answers by getting closer to the window. "So this is my father's house?" he asks, about three weeks later than he should have. Xena admits that it was Tarzan's house, too, when he was a little boy. Tarzan's turned toward the window here, soap opera-style, so he can't see that before each of Xena's lines, she stares at his ass and smiles. She talks about life with Tarzan's dad. Tarzan asks if Tarzan Sr. was like Uncle Skinner. "No," Xena says after an ass-check. "Not a bit." Tarzan touches things as he walks the perimeter of the room. Tarzan may not use a fork, but he seems pretty familiar with a comb. "Did he love my mother?" Tarzan asks. "Yes," Xena says. "Very much." Tarzan's panting again, and he leans in close to Xena to ask, "Did he have rules? About loving her?" Xena -- who's thisclose to tongue-kissing our clothed simian -- says, "I don't know what you mean." Tarzan is leaning so close that he slowly has to stand back up in silence. I love how he uses his knuckles as tiny canes as he walks, leaning against the couch as he says he wants to know more about his father. Xena whips her head around and says she can tell him lots of stories and show him some of his things. She says she has some clothes upstairs in a closet, but that most of the stuff is in storage. "Do you want to see that?" Xena asks with a bit of an accusation. Tarzan leans back and smiles. Um, I think those two are gonna do it.

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Tarzan

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