Rules Of Engagement

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
You're Da-Vine, Yo

In the other room, SuperTarzan makes the ugly Spicoli face as the music swells, attempting to get us to be worried or concerned. Sam and Jane break the law every five minutes. Why can't Sam just lose this guy's message?

So, whatever. It's the next day and Jane decides to break protocol once again and threaten the witness in person. Jane's at his apartment and knocks on the door. There's the sound of dogs. "Who is it?" someone barks. Jane holds up her badge to the door and says she's the police and needs to ask a few questions. The door opens. A man opens the door (but keeps the chainlock on) and stares at Jane. She asks if he's Donald S. Ingram, and asks if he could put away his dogs. The man clicks his remote -- the dogs stop. We can see in his arms a notebook with tiny Se7en-ish writing scribbled in the margins. "You're the lady on the roof," he says to her. Jane nods and says she was there. The man slams his door and asks why she needs to talk to him, since she was there. She says she just has a few questions: "Donald. The police department needs your help." The music tries to make it seem like this is a pivotal moment. Donald opens the door and asks Jane if she's been around any sick people, or has any germs. She says she hasn't, even though she's been around junkyards, monkey-men, science labs, and whatever else Tarzan's been running through. "Donald," Jane says. So he lets her in after taking a deep breath and running to the other side of the room. He asks her not to touch anything as she shuts the door.

Cut to "later." Donald finishes the story that we've been flashing back to with every episode. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. He says that the blond man tried to save the other man, but that his hand slipped. And for some reason, in this version of the flashback, Jane screams "Michael!" with much more emotion than she did in the actual episode. Donald says that the detective fell, and that he didn't look after that. Jane leads the witness thusly: "So from what you saw, it was an accident." Donald folds a paper and agrees. "So, uh, that's it," he says. She asks what he means. He says he told, so it's over and he doesn't have to testify. He says he doesn't want to get more involved, because he doesn't ever leave his apartment, so he can't go to the police station to record anything because he'll get heart palpitations: "Please don't make me go." And that's enough for Jane, who doesn't want to tape him talking, video or audio, or make him sign some kind of statement or whatever. She just lets it go.

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