Dr. Ben's place. Jane promises Tarzan that she'll come check up on him first thing in the morning. Good. Nobody will follow you if you keep going back to where the cops are staking you. ['Pamie, come on. How the hell is Jane supposed to know how the cops operate?" -- Wing Chun] Jane asks Tarzan to promise he'll stay at the doctor's house. He promises. He touches her cheek. "You're tired," he says, trying to pull her face closer to his. "I'm fine," Jane says, stroking his arm. "And, John...I'm not gonna quit on this. All right? I'm gonna keep fighting. Let me try to save you for once." I vomit all over my lap. The music, the lighting, the writing, the ridiculousness of it all, it's just too much. I can't believe that there are another two episodes of this! Jane doesn't kiss Tarzan goodbye. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a seriously high-powered chainsaw!

Making sure we don't miss one second of this almost real-time episode, Jane gets out of a cab in front of her apartment. She crosses the empty street to find Gene leaning against a car, waiting for her. Gene tells Jane he's in the neighborhood staking out a suspect. In an amazing feat of stupidity, Jane looks around the street, as if she can't figure out who the suspect is that watched her boyfriend get murdered by an ape. And if she's being facetious, she needs to look that facial expression up in the acting dictionary. Gene gets up in Jane's face and tells her to stay out of his way when he finds Tarzan. Jane laughs and tells him to leave her alone. "There's gonna be justice here," Gene thugs. "Mike deserved it!" He then gives Jane's shoulder a thwack with his own as he passes her on the street. Then it's all over but the blinkin'.

Greystoke. Xena storms into Clayton's office. She sits and asks him why he's doing this. She tosses a book onto Clayton's desk. It's a proposal, signing over her third of Greystoke if Clayton promises to leave Tarzan alone, call off this case, and let Tarzan keep his third of the business. Xena flirts something a-fierce. Clayton says no. See, after this all goes down, once Xena has been implicated in Michael's murder, it's going to be pretty easy for Clayton to walk away with the entire business. Like how I started that sentence with "See"? I'm pretending I write dialogue for this show. You know what's great about this show? It's directed exactly like a high-school play. When someone needs to do some "business," he goes over to a "bar" and pours himself a "drink" that he never actually drinks. Or she stands at the top of some stairs, awed at what she's watching. Or they stand incredibly close to each other, over-acting their hearts out. Xena and Clayton get close enough to kiss. "Oh, Richard. This is extreme, even for you," Xena moans. Clayton says he begged Xena and Jane to let Tarzan be contained and rehabilitated: "But you wouldn't listen to me. You didn't give me any other choice." Xena smiles the smile of a woman who owns a Hitachi Wand, and hisses, "I won't let you do this. And I don't care if I have to tear this company apart to stop you." Kiss him! Kiss him! "Do whatever you have to do," Clayton whispers. Kiss her! Dammit. Xena leaves. "[door slams]." Stay tuned for scenes from next week's Minute with Mitch Pileggi™.