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Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Previously: This show got cancelled.

We open with the brilliant night skies of fake New York. Inside Jane's apartment, just beyond her screen-less open window, we see the sleeping Jane. Jane wears a lot of clothes to bed and doesn't really use her pillow. There's a knock at her door. Isn't it UselessNicki's job to answer the door in the middle of the night, wearing only her pajamas? Jane does it this time. Jane asks who it is. "Internal affairs. Open up." To me, this means Jane's somehow in trouble for her tax return. Jane -- a detective in the jungles of Manhattan -- only locks one of the three locks on her door. She opens the door to find a Suit and some cops. Nobody flashes a badge, though. "What's going on?" she asks. "Get dressed," he says. Ah, the motto for this show.

Casa Xena. Her maid answers the door. This time, the unfriendly Gene and his gang of cops (a gang of cops...is that normally a squad?) storm into the mansion. Xena runs down in her pajamas, silky robe trailing on the steps. "What is this?" Xena hisses. "I know my rights. You can't come in here like this." Xena struts down the stairs, making her boobies jiggle for all they're worth. The "other cop" at Jane's precinct holds up his warrant for Tarzan's arrest. "What do you mean?" Xena asks.

Shot of Tarzan "hiding" in some "bushes" "somewhere." There's a grumbling, groaning noise, not unlike the sound Lardass made before there was some serious pie spewage.

Gene looks around the mansion and orders, "Check upstairs."

Tarzan stops hiding behind that one frond. He sits upright.

"We have to talk," says the IA guy to Jane. "About what?" Jane asks. I don't think she's not asked a question so far this episode. "Michael Foster," IA Guy says, now following Jane into her apartment. He wants to know why Jane didn't tell them that Tarzan was alive. "That he murdered Detective Foster [sic]." He accuses Jane of covering up Mike's murder.

Xena stands, holding the warrant, mouth agape. The squad bounds up the stairs. Xena follows, asking the obvious: "Who the hell do you think you are, coming in here like this?" Um, the police? "Get out of my house!" Xena rages in an extreme close-up.

IA Guy tells Jane that they're picking up Tarzan right now. "No, you do that and someone's gonna get hurt," CluelessJane says, standing in strange lighting. She says they should let her bring Tarzan in. When she says it, she opens her eyes really wide to show how serious this all is. IA Guy is offscreen, but he's also very serious about how much trouble Jane is currently in. "Get dressed," he repeats.

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