Tarzan
Surrender

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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
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Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Jane turns around, crying, and sees a car approach. She runs to it. It's Gene. Jane tries to block him from going past the fence. He tells her she's "obstructing justice," which is the name of my fifth album. Jane tells Gene she just wants to kill Tarzan. Gene pushes Jane out of the way. She gets in front of him again and taunts him. The jet takes off. And then Gene proceeds to beat the living shit out of Jane, punching her and kicking her in the stomach over and over again, kicking her head. "He got away on that damn plane!" Gene screams. "He got away! It's your fault! It's your fault!" He then begins punching Jane in the face over and over again. I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not. This isn't just our fantasy spilling over into a recap. Gene beats Jane up using our anger, all of our outrage that she's such a shitty cop, that she needs a man to save her every time, that she's let people die because of her precious monkey-boy. And then, like always, because Jane's got ovaries, Tarzan swoops in and protects her. My disappointment that he didn't get on that plane cannot be contained. Tarzan beats everybody up in that way he does where they all disappear somehow (except for Gene, whom he might have killed). Tarzan then crawls over to Jane, teary-eyed and shivering. Jane is on the ground. Tarzan beats the pavement and then brushes back Jane's hair. He picks her up, severing her spine, and carries her back...toward the airstrip? Are they going to catch the next jet? Tarzan carries Jane into the darkness.

Next week: Tuck Everlasting meets Predator.

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Tarzan

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