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Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Tarzan rips the bottom of his shirt and uses it to tie a knot above his thigh, Punky Brewster-style. The music swells to a dramatic finish as Tarzan yanks the knot. Lordy, this show is bad.

The lieutenant suspends Jane and takes her badge and gun. Finally, the streets of fake New York City are safe again. Jane blinks a few times and then removes her badge and gun, showing just enough of that tummy that made her so respected on the force.

Sam and Jane wander through the streets. Sam complains that he doesn't want a new partner. "I am really sorry, Sam," Jane says. "I didn't mean to do this to you." She then immediately follows this act of kindness with a request for a favor, because she's Jane. She wants to know where the DA is holding Ingram. She says that she has to talk to Ingram and find out the truth. Sam shouts "Stop" and then "No" and then "Jane" and then says all three of the words over and over in random order. "This is crazy," he says. "You're acting reckless and you're acting insane." Well maybe it's a good thing she's not your partner anymore. He tells her to be reasonable. Jane whines that she's sick of people telling her to be reasonable. Maybe if you didn't run the streets with an escaped monkey-man, breaking laws willy-nilly, then people wouldn't offer their opinions so often. Sam reminds Jane that she could be convicted for this. He asks if Jane really wants to throw her life away for this guy. "You know what?" Jane asks. "John's innocent." Everybody get ready to hurl. "I don't mean 'not guilty.' I mean he's innocent. He is...he's so pure and he's completely uncorrupted. I don't even have words for what else he is, Sam --" Because the writers have run out of ideas after the words "wild" and "dangerous" and "innocent" -- "because I've never met anyone like that. I don't care how much trouble I'm in. I don't care what laws I've broken. I'm gonna save his life. Because that's the right thing to do." Along with eating oatmeal. "And in my mind -- badge or no badge -- that makes it my job." Actually, without the badge, it's not really your job at all. And try to follow this logic as Jane points a finger at Sam: "That makes it your job, too." Sam doesn't say anything for .03 seconds, so Jane huffs and sarcastically thanks him for his help. She walks off. And then, because she's a scorned female, she breaks into a run. Keep running, Jane! Never look back!

Night. Fake Matchbox cars ride down a tiny street. Bad music plays. Jane enters the only rooftop in all of New York City. She calls Tarzan's name a few times and checks a few places. And of course, he's there, right when she's turned around. "Jane," he says. Jane smiles. "Hey," she says. Jane finds Tarzan and curls up to him. He touches her and smiles. They flirt. Jane uncuffs his handcuffs. (Does one key work on every set of cuffs? Seems to be a dumb idea.) Jane notices Tarzan's leg gash. "John, what happened?" she asks. It's hard to hear them over the incredibly loud, remarkably shitty music. Tarzan says that the cops came. Jane tells him he's bleeding, and digs her hand into the cut on his leg. Tarzan winces and sucks in some air. Then he leans in and almost kisses her. Ah, bloody wounds, bringing the kids together.

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