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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Jane dumps a full pizza in a trashcan, and then kicks a homeless person in the face to boot. Shot of HOTEL WAVERLY, as the sign reads to us, practically in neon. Jane walks right up to the hotel and enters through the back gate. She sees the window Ingram's in and starts climbing the fire escape. One of the ladder rungs gives way and Jane almost falls. Jane's stand-in man has much bigger thighs than Jane. I think it might be a man. Also, if you have TiVo and for some masochistic reason you haven't deleted this episode yet, check out the graffiti underneath Jane. Is that Osama bin Laden airbrushed on that brick wall? What the hell? Of course, Tarzan's standing right there already on the roof. "Jane!" "John?" Why bother tracking down credit-card statements when one can just ask Tarzan? He must be mad that Jane didn't come and see him this morning like she had promised. But he's not really mad; he just wants to help the fake cop on her fake investigation. He lifts Jane by the arm and swings her over to Ingram's window. Jane stops flirting long enough to tell Tarzan to wait outside, so we know that he'll be inside shortly.

The room Ingram's in is covered in graffiti. Damn, you'd think the DA's office could spring for a hotel room that didn't have semen still drying on the sheets. Ingram's in the bathroom washing his hands, and Jane runs over to the front door and locks it. Yeah, that's some nice work there, boys, guarding the witness. Why won't someone give Ingram a change of clothes? Homeboy's been in that sweater vest for about two weeks now. He's startled to see Jane, and asks how she got past the police. She IS the police, as far as he knows. Jane tells him to calm down. Ingram wants his inhaler. Jane tells Ingram she knows Clayton paid him to lie. Clayton paid Ingram? Ingram freaks and says he can't take this anymore. He says he wishes he could go back to that night and not see anything. Jane tells him that Tarzan is a good man, and that this will kill him: "He will die if he goes to jail. If you don't tell the truth." Ingram says that Clayton told him he'd get to go home if he said what he was told to say. Has this guy even been slightly hurt yet? I'd like to volunteer to slap his sweaty twitchiness around for a little while. Ingram realizes he's still there even though he's been cooperating: "Why won't he let me go home? I need to go home!" I think someone needs to call Psych for a consult. Ingram sits on his bed and says he's tired of being scared. Next week, would someone count the number of background sirens and horn honks that this show tosses in to make us feel like we're in New York? Jane blinks and lies to Ingram that he doesn't have to be scared anymore, and that she'll protect him. Ingram says that she can't, and then he either says that nobody knows where he is or that Clayton knows where he is. Both the closed captioning and I are confused. Ingram says that the guards all work for Clayton, and that they'll hurt him if he tries to leave. Jane says she'll get him out of there, to someplace where Clayton can't touch him. Really, Jane? Would that be the same place you've been hiding Tarzan from Clayton? Because that's worked out real well. Jane tells Ingram that he has to tell the truth. Twice. "Will you help me get home?" Ingram asks the wall like a blind man. Jane lies and promises she will. She takes his hand and leads him toward the window. This is when Tarzan jumps through the window and Ingram flips out, falling to the floor, screaming, "It's him!"

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