Tarzan
The End Of The Beginning

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Tar-Zan Adieu

Jane coolly strolls out of her taxi cab. She takes five minutes to look at the hole in the passenger side of the limo (hey, did Tarzan kill that guy, too? I'm guessing), the flat tire, the smoking radiator and the missing people from the limo and thinks...hey, there might be some trouble afoot. She thinks just a bit longer and then sprints off.

Pileggi rolls over. Tarzan grabs a tire iron from...something. Tarzan picks Pileggi up and flips him against...something. He's close enough to kiss as he makes the angry face. "Don't do it, John," Pileggi whispers. "You're gonna die," Tarzan whispers back. Always too late, Jane runs up here and shouts for Tarzan to leave Pileggi alone. Tarzan screams for Jane to stay back. "John! That's not going to solve ANYTHING!" Jane shouts, arms out in Denzel's Training Day pose. Tarzan screams for her to stay back. "We tried your way," he says. "Now we try mine." As Tarzan goes to slam Pileggi in the head with a pipe, Jane shoots her gun at Tarzan. He turns around, angry that she shot at him. I'm angry that she missed. Jane calls Tarzan "John" again, and says he's not a murderer: "I know that. I know that in my heart!" Tarzan makes the "frustrated" face as Jane continues, "After everything we've been through, what? You're just gonna prove me wrong?" Actually, he already did, Jane. Already killed two, it seems. "It was for nothing? You do this, and you're never going to see me again." Do it, Tarzan! Actually, you'll never see her again regardless. "Never!" Tarzan has a temper tantrum and hits the car behind Pileggi multiple times with the pipe, and then kicks a few things as Jane promises that this will all be fixed "the right way." Tarzan's hair is in his face, acting up a storm as Tarzan sneers, "Your rules don't work." Same script, different episode. Jane blinks in an unparalleled display of eyelid musculature, and spits out what might be this show's most ridiculous string of syllables: "I'm not asking you to trust my rules; I'm not asking you to trust my laws; I'm asking you to trust ME!" Her eyeballs just about pop out here. Tarzan rocks back and forth. Jane stares. Tarzan walks up to Jane...and then walks away. Pileggi sinks to the ground. He passes out. Jane walks away. Nobody wants to arrest Pileggi for...no? Did anybody find out where Sam...no? Okay.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! A trial montage! Check it! Crappy acoustic guitar plays while I have to write down all of this bullshit. Ready? Here we go: a very hesitant Tarzan is led into the courtroom. He's not in handcuffs, so maybe he was never arrested. And nobody's really touching him. If he's supposed to prove that he's not an animal, it might have been better if he hadn't hobbled in like a bear wearing high heels. When a police officer tries to put his hand on Tarzan's back, Tarzan reels away, sneering. All helping his case, I'm sure. "I've been a traveler of faraway lands," sings the song. Everyone in the courtroom turns around to stare at Tarzan as the song sings, "I've got love on my mind." The un-arrested Pileggi pouts in the back of the courtroom. "But death on these hands." See, even the song knows Tarzan killed. Jane reaches out and touches Tarzan as he approaches. "Come homeward, Angel. Show me the way." Tarzan pulls away from Jane as she silently nods that he can do this. Tarzan yanks away from the cops. "Or will fate leave me dead in the tracks where I lay?" Tarzan takes his seat at the front of the defense. "Show me the river that leads to my home!" Jane nods to Tarzan again as he sits down, and somehow Pileggi is now sitting behind Jane.

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Tarzan

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