The End Of The Beginning

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Tar-Zan Adieu

Dr. Benjamin Toll's office. Dr. Toll says he can't talk about Donald. Jane says he can if it deals with Donald's ability to be a witness. She asks if he ever prescribed anything that would impair Donald's judgment. The doctor says he didn't, but the Felicity-looking nurse in the back looks up sharply and stares at Jane and Sam. Jane tells the good doctor that'll do. Sam gets a cell-phone call and wanders off so that Jane can proceed to grill the nurse. The nurse admits that she thought Donald was "sweet." Jane gives the nurse her phone number. Sam tells Jane that he had someone on the lookout in case something strange went on at Greystoke. Then he just stares at Jane, prompting her to ask, "Sam?"

Greystoke. Tarzan's heart has stopped. He's bagged, and someone's doing compressions. No! Get your hands off the naked chest. I can't see! Pileggi is apparently the last to know, if Sam and Jane have already gotten the memo, as he barges into the room and asks, "What's going on?" Frenchy (I think she might be British, actually, but the nickname's sticking around for her last line) says she's already called 911, and that an ambulance is on the way. "He was doing fine," she says. "Really." Thanks. You're still fired. Pileggi asks again, "What's wrong with him?" "His heart just stopped."

Tarzan is being wheeled out to the ambulance when Jane and Sam show up. "John!" Jane screams. But you know, he's kind of dead, so he can't answer back. Jane asks Pileggi what happened, but he knows less than we do. Jane begs the paramedic to talk to her. "He's not breathing!" one guy yells at her, already sick of Jane's voice. "We can't get a pulse." Jane asks Pileggi why Tarzan has stopped breathing: "What did you do to him?" Pileggi reels back like he's been slapped. Jane decides she's riding with Tarzan and nobody else can. Sam tells Pileggi to relax and answer some questions. Heh. Pileggi's the only one who's family. Why doesn't he get to ride with Tarzan? Wait. Can't ask questions that involve logic. Sam tells Nash (the head MWF who is usually not around, but sometimes is but not for, like, the past five episodes) not to go very far.

Ambulance. Flatline. Tarzan's brain has been not operating for a while, and he hasn't been breathing or his heart beating long enough that he should have suffered permanent brain damage. But Jane, see, she's going to do something that makes any of us have the power to wake up, if only to leave the room and never come back. Jane says, "Come on, John. You've made it through everything else, you'll make it through this. Don't you leave me." She's just shy of "You've never given up on anything in your life! Now fight!" which would have made me walk away from this recap forever, forfeiting my paycheck, whatever it would take not to have to finish. The paramedic offers a guilty, half-assed "Sorry" to Jane, as if he knows he killed Tarzan somehow. Jane caresses Tarzan's hand and says, "John, you can't be gone. There's so much I didn't say. Or do! I...I'm sorry, John. I'm so sorry." And as she dissolves into tears and kisses his thumb, all I can do is shout, "CALL ME TARZAN!" But Tarzan just wakes up, and that's that, because he was just playing dead because Tarzan is full of superpowers. If he had just pulled this one at the pilot, we might not have had to sit through seven episodes of bullshit and maybe Michael Foster could be alive. Hee. The pulse monitor, once Tarzan wakes up, changes from "Checking for Pulse" to "Check printer." Heh. "Oh, my God," Jane says. "You're back." She caresses Tarzan's face as he says, "I never left." Jane tells them to stop the ambulance immediately.

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