The End Of The Beginning

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Tar-Zan Adieu

Who are you women buying Kotex for your thongs? You dirty, skanky women. You nasty, bleeding whores. Which one of you demanded they make little adhesive triangles so we are expected to wear a thong even when we're menstruating? Who can't live with a pair of regular panties for a single day, even three days, when you are sloughing your uterine wall? Which one of you disgusting, tacky bitches decided we needed not only underwear that only comes up to the edge of our pubic hair, but pads that would fit a Barbie doll? Shame on you. Shame on you! You have set women thirty years backwards. Why not strap on a sanitary belt and let a man give you an allowance? Why not just be a hooker and get rid of the middle man, the ruse that you're trying to be independent? You can't wear a tampon with your stripper pants, Whorey? Too scared of your own vagina to put your finger near it? Don't make me have to be embarrassed for my sex. Don't make me have to make excuses for your ridiculous whims. Put on some pants and deal with your period like a grown-up, you whiny, slutty princess.

Dammit! I'm running out of time! Okay, so time has passed and now Jane's hanging at Xena's. "No sign of him anywhere?" Xena asks, incredulous. Jane says she's looked everywhere she can think of, but no. Did you check the roof? "Hearing's tomorrow," Jane says. "I..." Xena says that Tarzan will come back. Sam enters, happy as a clam, and teases Jane for springing Tarzan the second she's out on bail. Jane smiles like a girl getting caught with a crush, and promises it'll be her last crime. Liar. Sam says that he's been checking the wire for anything Tarzan-like in the crime blotter since he's been missing "over the past day." Two stray dog attacks. "So he's been eating at least." Sam points out what got his attention. It's near the Greystoke building. Sam: "It's what you've been thinking, right? He's going after his uncle." Jane agrees. Sam says that if Tarzan kills Pileggi, the Mike case will be small potatoes. "It'll be déjà-vu all over again." Can I please not recap any more of this dialogue? "Only ten times worse. 'Cause this time he'd be guilty." Ugh! Jane tells Xena to go warn her brother in the immortal words of George Michael: "Don't look now, there's a monkey on your back! Watch out!" Jane leaves to go find Tarzan. I do believe her body mic is just hanging out of her pants. Nobody cares on this show anymore. Xena turns back to Sam once they're alone. "Wanna make out?"

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