The End Of The Beginning

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Tar-Zan Adieu

Night. Jane drives around in her car. Driving. Driving. Driving. The music plays loudly. Driving. Checking side mirror. Merging. Driving. Looking up. Driving. Driving. Looking around. Looking. Driving. Streets look pretty empty. Looking up. The song comes to a close, and we hear an imposing commercial for a Nicoderm CQ-type of drug that helps with the withdrawl symptoms of quitting smoking. And just when you imagine the voice on the radio is going to say, "Give it up, Jane. The show has been cancelled and we've just watched five minutes of you driving around because nobody gives a shit about this show anymore," Jane makes a phone call to Sam. She's figured out that Ingram must have just gone off of some anxiety medications, and maybe that will make him erratic and unable to be a reliable witness. Don't they already have a witness to testify that Ingram had been kidnapped by Pileggi? Moving on. If they can give an entire scene of Jane driving around looking, I don't have to put thought or logic into the recap, either.

Burgerzine marigolds and bucket twists. Saturday seventeen ** ). I thought lemonade would help with my pillow, but it turns out Jane Jane Tarzan Tarzan blink blink stupid.

Greystoke. Xena barges in. Pileggi's drinking, half in a tux, and asks Xena if they can do this some other time, because he's got a fund-raiser for some senator coming up. "You shouldn't go," Xena says. "You've been looking for John. Well, he's here." Pileggi: "Here?" Xena: "Close, anyway. He is out there waiting. For you." Pileggi: "What is this, some kind of a threat?" Xena: "No, it's a warning." THIS IS THE WORST SHOW EVER. Pileggi asks why Xena would warn him. Xena says she has mixed feelings about that herself: "You see, I would love to watch him wring your scrawny little neck, but I don't want to see John in that much trouble." ["In what universe is Mitch Pileggi's neck scrawny?" -- Wing Chun] Pileggi asks what he's supposed to tell the Senator. He says if it's the truth, it only helps him that John's a wild, violent fugitive. Xena: "Well, did you not hear me? You're in danger. This whole thing has gotten out of hand. You've become obsessed." Pileggi and I laugh: "Am [sic] I?" Xena continues. "You're obsessed with controlling Greystoke, with controlling John -- molding him in your own image!" Really? "He's not the crazy one here, Richard. Don't you see? He is not going to stop fighting you." Xena says Pileggi can't keep treating Tarzan this way. Pileggi flips his head back, touches his thumb to his fingers, and divas, "How am I treating him? I'm impressed with him! I mean, the cunning that it takes to escape like that...." Mitch Pileggi and Lucy Lawless each grab a piece of the scenery and chew it like beavers until there's nothing left but a pile of shavings.

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