Wages Of Sin

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D+ | Grade It Now!
We All Go Out the Window

Yeah, I don't know why this episode is called "Wages Of Sin" either. And the "Previously" was filled with shots we've never seen. So, whatever. If they don't care about us, we don't care about them. Deal?

We open with exterior shots of Xena's house, but we can hear Tarzan yelling and crashing about inside. The pedestrians seem rather calm. Inside, Xena's maid, Mary, calls for her. I love this, Xena says, "What the heck happened?" "Heck." Mary explains that they thought Tarzan was sleeping, so the doctor tried to take his blood pressure. Chaos ensues.

Tarzan is pulling quite the Johnny Depp on his room. I would, too, if my room was half kelly green like his is. There's a strange moment when Tarzan tries to slam the door in Xena's face, but there are actually two sets of double doors, and the four heavy wooden doors become confusing for someone who...anyone, actually. Quick side note: how come we haven't had the "Person who was in isolation becoming accustomed to American life through the magic of television" scene yet? That's always my favorite, from Daryl Hannah's "Bloomingdales" to Austin Powers learning about the deaths of Jimi, Janis, and Mama Cass. Mary leaves, because she doesn't have the enormous shield of Xena's necklace pendant to protect her. Xena is now panting as she watches Tarzan trash his room. There's a really nice vase in the corner begging to be smashed. Tarzan almost busts his elbow through the sheetrock as he says he wants to go. Xena says she can't let him leave, since this is the only place she can protect him from Richard. Tarzan repeatedly whacks his elbow into the corner of the room. I'd appreciate it more if he wasn't wearing that shirt. Wouldn't his gunshot wound heal easier if there wasn't a nasty shirt restricting it? "John," Xena says, panting. "I'm on your side." She says it in such a way that I don't want to believe that she is anymore. And it'd be more interesting if this show wasn't so black and white, good guy and bad. And when will Tarzan get his cape? If he's going to be a superhero, he'd better get some awesome toys soon. "I'm your family," Xena whispers, still breathless from how hunky her nephew is. Tarzan's all sweaty and angry, still beating against a wall. "So is he," Tarzan sneers, picking up a footstool (who has footstools?) and hurling it into the window. "John!" Xena screams. Tarzan punches out the rest of the glass and walks barefoot through the shards out the window. Xena's too slow to walk the three steps behind him, and has to lean out the empty window, satisfying one of the required shots in this show. Tarzan scales the wall of Xena's building, escaping yet again. "John!" Xena screams. But it's too late. We only hear the sound of horns honking.

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