Tell Me You Love Me

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 599 USERS: C+
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And Then They Have Sex

She stomps through their cavernous home to the bathroom, takes a pee-stick out of a pouch she apparently owns for that express purpose, and does her thing. Palek waits quietly outside the door, not saying a word, apparently hoping to ratchet up the tension as far as possible. From where I'm sitting, it doesn't work, but Carolyn might disagree. After a minute, she doesn't say what the results are. She doesn't have to. Among other things, it's a ten-episode season. You know what I love about this show being ten episodes? The fact that ten is less than twelve. Pulling herself together, Carolyn stands, pulls her pants up, and says her sister wants to have lunch with them. "Sure," Palek says, and she leaves. Should they perhaps be talking about this? Or at least flushing? Washing hands, in Carolyn's case? How the hell do these two slobs keep that house so clean, anyway?

So now that we've met all of the couples, it's time to meet the couples therapist, Dr. May Foster. As in, she may foster better communications between these couples? Who named this character, J.K. Rowling? As played by "Calamity" Jane Alexander (no relation to your recapper -- I'm pretty sure there are no "Calamity"s in my family), she's looking at a cover layout for her new book, which is called Bed Dread: An intimate look at the moments between couples that lead to the most common and least talked about disease in America. Most common? Really? I can probably guess what "Bed Dread" is (right, Dave?), but I doubt that it beats out, say, acid reflux. May also has a couple of arty, faceless sex photos to go with the book, and is trying to choose between them. She prefers one of them, and her husband Arthur -- who just entered the room -- likes the other. She says if she could choose a picture, maybe she could finish the book. Hell, she's halfway there, with that subtitle. She gets up to go to work, but her husband wants her to play hooky and stay home with him. "This is why I didn't want you to retire," she says. "This is why I did want to retire," he responds. They're not mad at each other, or anything. They don't even seem to be pretending not to be mad at each other. They kiss goodbye passionately. A couples therapist with a healthy marriage? Someone call the APA. Of course, since they're both in their sixties, I'm sure they've been through lots of bad shit together that I'm somewhat looking forward to hearing about.

Tell Me You Love Me

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