Pardon me if I seem cranky today. I'm still pissed off that Temptation Island 2 didn't win any Golden Globes. (Insert your own "this show provides its own Golden Globes" jokes here.)

Previously...The singles got all ho-sessive when the new hos were horsed onto the island. Queen Slut hiked up her skirt a little more and showed her world to Tommy. The girl hos called the new girl hos "hos." Mark liked them. John and Nayla hugged in bed and Catherine freaked with Brian, then macked with him on the beach. She told us she wanted him. Tommy NYC and Nikkole got down. Also, boy bonfire stirred some emotions, and Tommy vowed to ramp up his terrible-boyfriend ways. At this point, that's probably a good idea.

Bonfire. Girl bonfire. Everyone hates Mark L. Walberg. He blahs about "choices," since this is Kelley's first. (Well, not her first. That was in back of the DQ one summer night when she was thirteen.) Mark L. Walberg says his thing to the effect that the videos can hurt (or not), and tries to justify that the aim is not to hurt, but to provide them with answers. Kelley nods, not hearing Mark L. Walberg because of the dried semen still blocking up her ear. Mark L. Walberg tools on that the videos feature intimate moments, and it's an "individual choice" as to whether they want to watch.

Shannon is first, and wants to watch. She won't let the other ladies watch so that she can "form her own opinion." She tells Nikkole to move over and get away. Hee. Watching, it's just John talking about his waffling emotions for Nayla, and finally Shannon lets Catherine watch. The tape ends, and Shannon smiles and calls John "a really nice guy." Mark L. Walberg doesn't know what the fuck she means, and Shannon tries to spin it pathetically to mean something benign, and then trails off, defeated by the sheer weight of her own sad history and her stubborn belief that John is not a man with a penis. Mark L. Walberg ain't buying it. Shannon goes on to negate any possibility that John could be having feelings for another woman, and concludes with the #1 saying that almost always means the opposite of what is being said: "No worries." Worries. Nikkole gives her the "poor you" eyes.

Nikkole. She'll watch and share. (As if she cares about Tommy anymore.) Shannon continues to whisper more self-delusion until Nikkole just shuts her up and says that the tape of Tommy is going to be bad. Nikkole guesses it's going to be White Eyeshadow Girl; the new Asian ho wouldn't bother her, but WEG disappoints her. On the tape, Tommy and Kristin kiss; when Kristin does a little tongue roll, Nikkole says, "Oh god. That's, like, her thing." It is pretty gay. And then the tape ends and Nikkole says, "I've done better than that." Yikes. (It's going to suck when Tommy NYC won't return her phone calls once the show ends.) She goes on to call Kristin a "cheeseball," and says she thinks she is too smart for Tommy. Mark L. Walberg makes the stunning deduction that Nikkole is not at the same "place" she was a few days ago. Brill.