Temptation Island
Fa-Hill Attraction

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
Fresh Meat

Ladies' side. Everyone is drinking as Mark L. Walberg and Kelley ride in on horses. Fucking funny sight, Mark L. Walberg trying to stop the horse. Catherine and crew read lines stiffly. "You think we're getting a new couple?" "No way." "What is going on? I don't like not knowing." Everyone speculates as someone yells, "Marky Mark." Mark L. Walberg interrupts and introduces Kelley. "Shut the front door!" yells Rossi. I hate Rossi. The boys immediately stand and flex. The ladies, meanwhile, throw Kelley some stink-eye that I can even smell from here. Kelley greets the girls way over-enthusiastically, and if you ever needed any evidence that girls are fucking horrible to each other, look at how Nikkole, then Catherine, and then Shannon all dis Kelley when she says, "Hi." Fucking bitches. Seriously. Kelley's trained enough in the ways of women to ignore it, however. Of course, she does raise her voice about two octaves as she goes around introducing herself to the boys. Shannon bitch-overs that they are all worried and that the boy hos all look like dogs in heat. They do. It's pretty funny. Catherine still won't say a word. Keebler Tom and Rossi go into the peeing-on-each- other-for-Alpha-male schtick. Finally, Catherine asks Kelley why she and Mark are here. Kelley, who has a cute little overbite and is tiny bit cross-eyed and has an overly peppy manner, says that she's the first girl Mark has ever lived with and he wants her to get a real job -- she's a bartender. ["Another one?!" -- Wing Chun] She says that she would love a career and she's going to school and she's "older" and is afraid Mark is going to "give up" on her. She camera-talks this and cries a bit. The girls all talk, and it seems that miraculously, no blood is shed. Commercials.

Horses. Mark L. Walberg leads the new couple to a bluff where they stand as Kelley camera-talks that she and Mark will be friends forever no matter what, but that she's afraid of what's going to happen. Now they have a candlelight dinner which Mark L. Walberg ruins just by being there. He toasts them and their long journey. They pretend the champagne is good, and sit. Mark L. Walberg tells them to tell him about themselves, but they hate him already so they say nothing. Finally, he asks what their biggest fear is. Kelley says she's afraid they'll come to a realization that they're not right for one another. Mark says he has to be selfish, and that both Mark's and Kelley's parents broke up, and he has to worry about himself and make sure he's in a good relationship. The double earrings are not working for him. Kelley and Mark reveal that it was Mark's idea to come here. Kelley points to Mark like she's pissed at him for making her do this. Mark says it's every guy's dream to be single again. Ouch. Mark L. Walberg leaves to let them eat dinner. They're happy he's gone. They talk and feed each other food. "It's getting real, huh?" says Kelley. Yeah, real boring.

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Temptation Island




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