Temptation Island

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | 962 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Six Against Nature

"Day 12." Man, that was a too-quick break. Doesn't Fox have more shit to advertise? I guess they gave up on Monkeybone already. Morning. They pack. Mandy tells us that it is an automatic response to bring a photo of her and Billy, but that this time she felt like she "didn't need it." Valerie. She says she's feeling "blah" and is taking extra vitamins. Yeah, she is indeed sitting with a pile of about forty different tablets, downing them all. Man, she must pee bright orange. Valerie is such a spoilsport. I am indeed starting to join the masses in disliking her. She's just unpleasant. Ooh, you know who she'd be good for? Mark L. Walberg. They're sort of similar somehow. She says all she can think about is Kaya and what's going to happen on the final meeting "tomorrow."

"The Kids Leave" Montage. Andy brats that he's "psyched to get a mud bath." Kaya would like to give Andy a mud bath. (Okay, that was wrong.) Boats. Dano sits on the front of the boat. "I'm the moto-dork of the world!" Graphic! "Mandy & Billy's Final Dream Dates." The Music of Please Have Some Dirty Sex On Our Show starts as Jon and Mandy arrive at their lodge. Mandy says she has the "best date." Meanwhile, Billy and Vanessa arrive. Billy tells us that it's not fair to their dates to be thinking of their girlfriends right now. I'm so sick of Billy's hand-wringing at this point that I'm considering cheating on him. Vanessa shoves her monkey-lips in the camera and says that she's going out with "Billy, the most favorite guy." Hee. She's so stupid it hurts. Two lambs run away from her. No, really. She "ooohs" over their lodge, sitting in a big chair. Billy says that it's weird how Vanessa knows exactly how he's feeling and goes on about how this has been the "toughest thing [he's] ever done in his life." Yeah. It's so fucking hard to be on a cool date with a nude model. Starving children in Africa feel your pain, Billy.

"Valerie & Kaya's Final Dream Dates." Somehow I don't think going out with Alison is exactly Kaya's "dream." Valerie and Dano arrive at a small airport, only to find all the dissed girl hos waiting to catch a plane. Valerie bitches that by seeing the girl hos, she can now narrow down who Kaya is with. She begins to blubber. "I can have a visual in my head of who he's spending two days with, and I'm just tired of having to have that." Boo-the-fuck-hoo. Kaya and Alison now. Alison is just as shiny as Kaya now, which is a feat. Kaya tells us that he'd planned the whole time not to "limit" himself in any way. He fops that he's ready to find out his "market value." Ew. Oh, ick. Alison tells us that Kaya is "gorgeous" and says that he's really "smart," which people might not know. As she says this, we get a shot of Kaya, his mouth open, slack-jawed. Hee. She goes on to say that he's still "cautious" about what he does, but she hopes that will change. Yeah, if you suddenly sprout cock, it might.

Temptation Island

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