Temptation Island
Goodbye Singles/Hello Final Date

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Six Against Nature

Tom and Shannon kayak. Tom tells us that his relationship with her has grown since they met. She says she feels totally comfortable with him, and he says that she is someone he could see himself with. They lounge on a bench and then eat food. It's kinda mean that Shannon takes Tom kayaking, as that's obviously something the kayak pro Andy taught her. Wait, I'm defending Andy? Never mind. Kayak like the wind, sister.

"This date was not meant for you!" says Elizabeth to Andy, who is wimping and whining on his massage table, as they wait for the masseuse ladies to arrive. He says that he is supposed to be rappelling and that he's actually scared of the massage. (Well, Andy currently is repelling, so that's something.) ["Dude, I thought exactly the same thing!" -- niki] Elizabeth is trying to be a good sport but it's like watching two really annoying people saying stupid shit to each other…wait, it's exactly what it is. The massage happens. Andy is moaning and twitching. I'm sure the massage lady has a better time rubbing Francis Ford Coppola's huge hairy body than annoying Andy. Now they're lying with the mud plastered like war paint all over them, making really noxious small-talk, trying to make the experience seem more intense and funny than it actually is.

Now to Kaya and Alison. They are being taught how to rappel. Kaya is babbling about how his second date with Alison is physically taxing and how he's being pushed to the limit. Dude, he's sliding down a rope. Next, as Alison rappels, she whores about how if you fall, you're dead. Kaya now, saying that Alison is great and how "it takes a full and complete package to work for [him]." Yes, I'm sure Kaya likes a full and complete "package."

Waterfalls. Waterfalls. Island Prettiness. Complaining. Ah, it's Valerie and her terrible, no good, very bad date. They stand on the top of some waterfalls as Valerie bitches that her shoes are slick on the bottom and Dano should go check it out alone. Poor Dano because he's really trying to be a good sport about it all, but I'm sure he'd rather be back home working on his dirtbikes than out with the whining, crying, pill-popping Valerie. Suddenly Valerie has become like a Tennessee Williams character with a voice like greasy-spoon waitress. Oh, sad. Dano actually ends up running around down by the water by himself. Valerie is busy being very mean, telling us that she hopes she can wear out Dano during the day because she's sure by the night she'll just want to shut her door and be alone; she's just thinking about the final bonfire with Kaya tomorrow. Short bus. They ride in the back in silence, like the end of The Graduate. Poor Dano. He says something about how cool the waterfalls were and she just stares at him for a second before saying yeah, they were cool. She quickly looks away. Commercials.

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Temptation Island

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