Temptation Island
Goodbye Singles/Hello Final Date

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | Grade It Now!
Six Against Nature

"Valerie & Kaya's Final Dream Dates." Somehow I don't think going out with Alison is exactly Kaya's "dream." Valerie and Dano arrive at a small airport, only to find all the dissed girl hos waiting to catch a plane. Valerie bitches that by seeing the girl hos, she can now narrow down who Kaya is with. She begins to blubber. "I can have a visual in my head of who he's spending two days with, and I'm just tired of having to have that." Boo-the-fuck-hoo. Kaya and Alison now. Alison is just as shiny as Kaya now, which is a feat. Kaya tells us that he'd planned the whole time not to "limit" himself in any way. He fops that he's ready to find out his "market value." Ew. Oh, ick. Alison tells us that Kaya is "gorgeous" and says that he's really "smart," which people might not know. As she says this, we get a shot of Kaya, his mouth open, slack-jawed. Hee. She goes on to say that he's still "cautious" about what he does, but she hopes that will change. Yeah, if you suddenly sprout cock, it might.

"Shannon & Andy's Final Dream Dates." Andy and Elizabeth arrive at the spa. Bad Pirate Andy tells us that Shannon was more concerned about him cuddling with a girl. She apparently said that she'd much rather he "mack on some girl and do whatever [he] need[s] and then send her on her bike." That's funny shit. He says that he feels the same, and that it can be "intense" when you spend the night with someone. Andy and Elizabeth swim. Meanwhile, Shannon tells us that casting Tom was perfect for her and that they're "totally connected." She's also "totally" wasted. They walk on a dock to their catered house, where they are immediately fed. Tom tells us that he feels a "nervous excitement" and that he's like "a kid in a candy store." He's wondering how many licks it takes to get to the center of Shannon.

Mandy and Jon. They swim. Mandy tells us how much more she likes Jon the more she knows him. She says, and we see this, how amazing it was that Jon helped her take out her braids in the pool. "When you take out your braids you're, like, releasing." Oh, yuck. She dips her free head under the water and tells Jon how good it feels.

Vanessa and Billy carry inner tubes. They tube through the cave and Billy says something about how Vanessa is a good partner for the tubing and how he gets so fascinated and "in awe" of things around him when he's with her. I'm guessing that what Billy keeps babbling about is the fact that when he's with Vanessa, as opposed to Mandy, he doesn't have to constantly look around to see who his date is trying to make out with in front of him, affording him actual freedom to have fun. They tube. There are bats. Vanessa tells us moronically how it was dark and how Billy (when she says "Billy" she says it like a ten-year-old talking about the boy in front of her in math) put his legs around her tube and kept her warm and "that was nice."

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Temptation Island




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