Temptation Island
Journey Into The Garden…

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Stee: B | Grade It Now!
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Let The Whoring Begin!

You guys ready for what they're affectionately calling TI2? You're not sure, eh? Well, just ask yourself, are you ready for crying and sex and skin and desperation? And that's just from the recapper. Come along. I swear it won't be nearly as painful as some (The $treet) shows (Road Rules) we could (Chains of Love) mention. But of course, we won't. C'mon. The hos are waiting.

Chicago. A naked guy shaves and kisses his girlfriend. They've been together three years. They are the "Latino" (with big quotes around it) couple. Catherine and Edmundo. They met at an adventure race. He raced. She volunteered. So that's how girls are meeting guys these days. Man, when I did the March of Dimes Walk-a-thon when I was eleven, I didn't get any. What a rip-off. Catherine packs apple slices and warns Edmundo that "women are bad, baby." He says he fell in love with Catherine in only three days, so he's scared it could happen again. Suddenly, she's not so smiley.

Phoenix. The blonde Shannon and tall flavor-saver-sporting John have been together ten months. Solid relationship there. She folds clothes as she says that women will adore John. He says she'd dig a guy who looks "just like [him]" -- and he goes on to say he's funny and works out -- but who has money. She would enjoy not having to work. Shannon laughs her way into the room, saying that she's not motivated by money, but she's practical and knows that "money makes the world go 'round." She thinks she's in a Mamet play, this one. Her skin is a little gnarly but she's cute. He's very mole-y and tall. And poor, I guess.

Ferndale, Wherever, Michigan. Tony and Genevieve jump on a trampoline. Tony is obviously gay. (I'm kidding...sorta.) They've been together nearly five years. She looks like a snake. He looks like a boy who's been so whipped there are pussy-shaped marks all over his back. She says that she doesn't want to get married because that's an institution, and she doesn't want to be "institutionalized." I guess she does comedy up there in the hotbed of Ferndale. Tony goes on to say that she needs a passive partner and he likes to do that and then she makes him flick his tongue at the camera while she bares her fangs and cackles at how well she has him trained. Trouble, this one. Hate her already. She tells him to keep the tongue put away. Heel, boy.

Back to Chicago. A black dude and a pretty mixed/unidentifiable-raced girl. Tommy and Nikkole. They've been together "pretty much" for three and a half years. They have a little pit bull who sits between them. Their relationship is at a standstill. Outside, the dog jumps halfway up a tree. Inside, Tommy says that he pays half the bills, and Nikkole starts freaking and he says she spent all her money shopping. Then they kiss. "See, we're not that dysfunctional," Tommy says. "Yeah, we are," she replies. Trouble, once again. The both of them.

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Temptation Island

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