Temptation Island
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I'm Not a Skank, Not Yet a Hooker

John. It's his turn. He wipes the single tear from his face very conspicuously so that any casting person out there would make sure to take note of his range. Shannon cries. John talks. He says that in the first video, he saw her doing a shot at the bar, and he flipped. What? He agrees that it was innocent, but says it hurt him when the dude on the tape said that he didn't think John and Shannon's relationship was good. John says that he then avoided everything and now regrets it. (He works in a bar, yes? And he's upset about girls drinking? Just checking.) He starts talking about a bus date with Nayla and some bullshit about her rubbing his hand and they got close -- this, Shannon looks very upset about. John says that Nayla is Shannon and has gone through a mirror image of Shannon's past and she helped him get through this. Huh? She got cheated on, I guess. John goes on that he doesn't get close to people but he got close to Nayla and even hugged her. Wow! Shannon is not impressed. Neither is the Casting Society of America.

John takes out a letter Shannon wrote at the beginning of the season. Shannon cries. John says something about letters from ex-girlfriends and that feelings don't last forever. More crying. John says he read this letter every day. "Every day," he repeats. Got it. He preaches that he needed this, and it took him right back to her. He goes on to say that his decision is to be with her "like [she] wouldn't believe." He tells Mark L. Walberg that he's going to break rules (what a rebel!!!) and hug Shannon. They hug. Mark L. Walberg looks like he's about to cry...which he certainly will be doing later. Shannon says that she was scared, and she loves John so much. Mark L. Walberg, unable to watch to happy people any longer, tells them to get the fuck out of there. Commercials.

Ah, here's Catherine. In twelve hours, the silicon levels in Costa Rica will drop about 40%. Mark L. Walberg, ever trying to ingratiate himself, calls her "Miss Catherine" and says that he understands why she's nervous. She doesn't listen. He goes on that her heart must be "pounding out of [her] chest." I don't think that's physically possible with her. Mark L. Walberg goes on that she hasn't seen Edmundo in a while, and that this is coming to an end. Mark L. Walberg's improv skills prove to be even less sharp than Chris Burke from Life Goes On auditing a Second City class, as he totally runs out of things to say and just asks again what she's feeling. Catherine says she's scared that what she's going to say will hurt Edmundo. Oh, bullshit. You're worried he'll reject you. Wishing desperately for cue cards, Mark L. Walberg says something about how she looks different than at the beginning of this and that she should be ready for Edmundo to look different as well. She nods, all serious, all hatred for Mark L. Walberg, and says she's ready.

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Temptation Island

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