Temptation Island

Episode Report Card
Stee: A- | 549 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Reality Bites. Mark L. Walberg Blows.

Women's side. Montage of Hang. The girls and boy hos all chill in the hut and, really, it looks like not very much fun at all. Shannon tells us that she thought Lola was the most beautiful girl and says how happy she is that she was gone today. She is surprised and happy that the guys are concerned with more than looks. As am I. Billy tells us that, looks-wise, he's very happy with who they still have left. Carla throws Andy in the pool. Tool in the pool! More hang. Swimming. Both sides of the island. Hanging. Valerie says that it's too calm and that something is coming. Fire! Darkness! Logo! Commercials! Sweet.

My local Los Angeles Fox station news break tells us that we'll meet the guy booted from Temptation Island and find out why he doesn't even care. Ha. Maceo, working it. Here's my prediction: insane asylum within ten years.

So Fox really doesn't care about biting the shit out of Survivor, which, in a weird way, you have to sort of admire. The guys are led across the island to a bonfire with seats and candles and, yeah, you saw it every week this past summer on CBS. Mark L. Walberg sits down across from the guys saying, "What a night, huh? Beautiful." Hee. No one answers him. Oh shit, one of the screws on my desk chair is loose. What do I need to fix it, again? Oh right, a tool. That's it. So Kaya lies that the Bonfire thing was a mystery (your sexuality is the only mystery here) and that it was very dramatic and no one knew what to expect. Mark L. Walberg says that tonight is about "opportunities" and that they will have the opportunity to see videotape of the person their chick dated talking about the date. Billy, a little too dramatically this time, grabs his heart with his hand and looks down, exhaling. Mark L. Walberg goes on to explain that it's a choice, and that he wants to be clear that whatever the guys choose, the ladies, when he meets with them later, will have to follow (next week it will be the opposite.) So if Billy wants to see Mandy's videotape, she'll have to see his. And similarly if he doesn't want to see it, Mandy won't get to see his. Got it? Got it. The guys all "react" as Mark L. Walberg lets them think about it and "play it out in their minds." The one good thing about Mark L. Walberg is that he gets to business quickly every fucking once in a while and here he quickly asks Kaya what he wants to do. Kaya says that he doesn't want to limit Valerie's choices and so he won't look at the tape, which makes less sense than anything I've heard on the show yet, but whatever. Andy says, "Good call, Kaya." Billy's turn. He thinks and then says, "Show me," smiling. Mark L. Walberg hands Billy a little video unit and the other guys ask to watch and he says yes. Billy wears headphones but the other guys react like they can hear too, so I'll just add that to the list of things that make no sense on Temptation Island. So we see the videotape and Keith talks about Mandy getting to do something that she's never done and how it had to excite her -- obviously he's talking about diving but it's one of those Three's Company moments where he could be talking about sex. Billy smiles. Keith calls her a mermaid. Keith says he'd love to go out with her again. Mark L. Walberg asks Billy what Keith said. He tells him. Mark L. Walberg asks if Billy is "challenged" by that and he replies that it's "tough to say." He can see how Mandy could like Keith, but then again she has "so many types." Ha. Eh. Again. Poor Billy. Billy doesn't look too upset, but, yeah, kinda.

Temptation Island

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