Now we get to Yahtzee and Taheed's dates. Yahtzee rolls the dice with Sean, the twenty-three-year-old doofus dickshit who keeps reminding us that he is a massage therapist. (Does he know that therapist really spells out "The Rapist"? Think about it, y'all.) Actually, he's about as threatening as a gumball. He's the one who "raised the roof" during the introductions, and also busted out that line about not hating the playa, which was wack the very first time someone said it, let alone by the time it got to this tired-ass white boy. So Yahtzee and Sean are on a boat. They laugh. Yahtzee tells us that Sean is exactly what she likes in a man. She sounds like she's describing household cleanser, that's how excited she sounds about him. Meanwhile, Taheed tells us that he knew he would end up going out with his date, the twenty-five-year-old crisis counselor Lawonna, because she meets everything he likes in a woman. She looks great in a bikini, that's as much as we know so far.
We see Yahtzee and Sean in the short bus, "In Route [don't they mean 'en'?] to Xunantunich Maya Ruins" and Sean talks about his mom. He tells us that he knew he and Yahtzee would hit it off since they are both massage therapists. We get an incredibly funny montage of Sean talking. Talking. Talking. Yahtzee looks out the window, bored beyond belief. I almost feel sorry for the dude. Sure, this is partially the editing, but I can see him going off like this, the dick. "He talked a lot, and the things that he said didn't interest me," says Yahtzee. At one point she gives him the "blah blah blah" hand and he doesn't even catch on to it. Now that's bad, y'all. While Yahtzee is considering jumping out of the moving short bus, we see Taheed and Lawonna having a great ol' time swimming at "Five Blue Lakes National Park." Lawonna tells us that Taheed is a turn-on and that he has a "smooth operator edge about him." So does Sade, but that didn't keep her from only doing drugs and crashing her car in South America in the last ten years. Now we get a miserable-looking Yahtzee sitting in an outside bar thing with Sean. He goes to try on a crazy shirt, while she gives serious death looks and tells us that "conversating [sic] with Sean irritated the heck out of [her]." ["Oh, whatever. He may have been a dork, but she was totally, painfully rude. And she's trying a little too hard to make herself seem intelligent. 'Conversating' indeed." -- niki] She berates him oddly for not having pulled her chair out, and then tells us that Sean was a pretty package but that's all he should have remained. Yeah, as pretty as any tool can be. Show me a shiny monkey wrench and I may "ooh" and "ahh," but it's still a tool, people. We see Lawonna and Taheed in the short bus. Taheed busts a total dickhead move by telling us that this was the best date that he ever had. He could have stopped here, but he goes on to compare it to his first date with Yahtzee, you know, his girlfriend, which wasn't nearly as good. Island Prettiness. Island Prettiness. Man, I'm tired already.