Temptation Island
The Blind Date

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
Reality Bites. Mark L. Walberg Blows.

Hut O' Men. Taheed lies, "I can be faithful. But if a woman throws it at you, it can be very, very difficult." Dude. If a woman actually threw it at me I'd run screaming -- that would be pretty nasty. Kaya leads Taheed, wondering if when a woman is very aggressive he's just like, "take me?" Kaya makes a 'take me' motion towards Taheed, and there's really nothing more that needs to be said about that. Lord. "You're defenseless!" says Andy. Yeah, like you know. ["Not to mention the fact that it's just a lot of stereotypical 'men are weak and helpless to resist' crap people tell themselves so they don't feel bad about cheating." -- niki]

Girl ho-down. Someone shrieks that they should make a bet. Sweet Britt tries to say something but is quickly drowned out by the screechy girl hos. Oh, poor New York City nice girl. They give her less camera time than Msaada on Road Rules. Carla leads this thing, saying that if they don't bet they're just going to end up being too sweet and passive. Someone yells "oh my gosh!" as Carla says they should all put money in the pot and then whoever hooks up with one of the guys first gets the cash. It's sort of like landing on Free Parking, but instead you have to let Andy stick his tongue down your throat. ["Dude, there could never be enough money in the pot for that" -- niki]

Our girl hut. Yahtzee says that there are certain girls who will do anything and they have no control over that. Valerie adds that if their guys do anything to throw away what they have, "so be it." I thought…I thought that Valerie and Kaya are allowed to do whatever they want. Man, these couples confuse and frighten me. Mandy, halfway into her make-up routine now, says that this is turning out to be a strange adventure. So then the girls are just hanging around with their boy hos, and Shannon tells us that morale was low and no one really knew each other that well. She doesn't know who said it, but someone, at some point, decided to "spice it up." We see Mandy sluttily rubbing the bicep of one of the boy hos. Oh, be sad for Billy for the forty-seventh time this episode. So now the girls are in bikinis and the guys are all in towels on the beach. Valerie explains to the boy hos that tomorrow they have to kick one of the boys off, so they are to stand in front of the girls one by one and tell them why they should be allowed to stay on the island. "If you want to stay, you will obey," someone yells. So the boy hos start, saying things like they want to get to know the girls better and they are shy and they are a nice person. One guy wiggles his bare butt and another is dressed as Tom Green's hick character, which is kinda funny and bold, with all the man-skin showing, to go the other way. Sean the masseur tools up, "I'm not just a pretty face, and a pretty body…" and then he opens his towel and I guess has his dick inside a sunglasses case. I wish he said and did any of this with any irony whatsoever, but I'm sad to report, no. He should be sacrificed right now to the local volcano to appease the gods with the yearly quota of moron. Maceo, I guess, puts tape and cardboard all over his wiener and the girls look kinda disgusted. Another guy threatens to get naked but runs away. Jim shocks all the girls by coming out in a shepherd's outfit but then showing his cock. Valerie tells us that she didn't come up with the idea (Mandy) but she definitely helped . "There are naked boys on the beach!" squeals Mandy, drunkenly. You'd think with all that make-up time she could put on a little powder or something, because she is shinier than the Bilbao on an August afternoon. Commercials.

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Temptation Island




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