Oh Jesus. More exposition. "Previously on Temptation Island," the Voice of Shit that is Mark L. Walberg continues. Couples arrive. They are introduced to "hand-picked singles." They make them sound like pints of ice cream. We get brief shots of some of their introductions, and I'm going to guess that they are mostly the ones who will figure into things down the road. Evan. Allison. Greg. Lola. Johnny. Megan. "I like it hot!" "Show me something wet and wild!" Kaya is thinking again about his girlfriend doing things with another guy -- a smile on his face instead of concern and jealousy. The kids "blocking" the singles that they were most worried about so they can't date their mate. Blocking. Blocking. Billy disses the masseur-tool by dropping his bracelet in front of him. Andy says that the boy hos are all "just regular punks." Shannon says the boy hos were hot. Final dinner. Goodbyes. Sad goodbyes. Yahtzee and Taheed fight. Taheed is pissed off that they left fighting. "Thirty minutes after leaving the girls, the guys found themselves in the middle of a raging party." Carla annoys me. Carla annoys everybody. Taheed smiles. Meanwhile, Yahtzee cries and the girls all comfort her. Whew. Are we done yet? No. Shit.
"Day 3," reads a graphic. Women's Resort. Shannon wakes up. Valerie too.
Men's Resort. Taheed in a towel. Billy brushes his teeth, appearing to be watching one of the girl hos doing spread-leg headstands out on the beach. More likely he's wondering why he ever started dating a stripper in the first place. Girl hos walking and talking, which apparently they can do at the same time. Island Prettiness, ruined by the suck that is Mark L. Walberg. The guys have breakfast while the puffy-faced Mark L. Walberg sets up a clever joke for the guys to knock down. "When we last saw you and you were saying goodbye to your girlfriends…remember them, the girlfriends?" All four guys knock it down saying, "Who's that?" and then laugh because they all feel so clever. Kaya spazzes out and Andy goes back to shoveling food in his mouth. Mark L. Walberg continues that the guys looked bummed out getting on the boat that night, like they were going off to war. He leadingly asks if they went home and cried in each other's arms, knowing full well what happened. Tool. Kaya offers that when they returned all sad to their side of the island, they found thirteen girls ready and waiting to have a good time. By way of good time, we see, in sepia-toned shots, the increasingly annoying bassist Carla going "Whoo!" and shaking her arms over her head as Billy tries to look past her. Kaya says that the girls with the "Whoo!" and the party energy "disrupted [their] sadness." Andy continues that two of the girls "got into it" and threw each other in the pool. "Cat fight?" asks Mark L. Walberg, with all the pseudo-seriousness of Dr. Mark Green asking if Carter thinks a dark spot on an X-ray is a tumor. Billy responds that "yeah" it was a cat fight, but obviously it was not and Billy isn't even really responding to that question as we sepia-see the girls "whooping" together in the pool and slapping each other's butts, "playfully." (What is stupid is that obviously the producers told the girl hos to "party" when the guys got back while the boy hos may or may not have been given similar directions, but their energy was no match for the sad and the Yahtzee.) Billy goes on that he was thrown in the pool, and we see that. Yeah, it looks like Carla again. Hey, I wonder if her rock band back in New York knows the song, "Annoying Attention-Hungry Girl," by the Pink-Haired Try-Too-Hards? It's a good song. Andy says that Billy got "a little bit more involved in it than the rest of [them]." We see, of course, Carla hanging on a shirtless Billy, and them sitting in a hammock together. Sitting. Scandal! Carla is wearing a camouflage tank-top. It doesn't work, though, because I can still see her.