Temptation Island
The Blind Date

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Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Reality Bites. Mark L. Walberg Blows.

Meanwhile, Valerie and Charlie head to "Chechem Ha Rain Forest" where they seem to look at tarantulas in the undergrowth. Man, that's a repeating nightmare for me, not a date. Valerie says that while Charlie is a nice guy, Kaya was in her head the whole date. Back in the land of Blue Holes, Kaya asks Alison if she has a wild side. She laughs uncomfortably and says, "Yeah," but offers nothing else. Fine, she looks slammin' in her bikini, but her brain has a bit too much room up in her head. Her nipples are certainly looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. Kaya goes on that Alison is athletic while Valerie's idea of roughing it is going to a four-star hotel instead of a five. Heh hm. Kinda funny but he gets points off for being such a tool. Back with the other couple, Valerie says that Charlie is nice, but that by the end of the date she was thinking about Kaya so much that she didn't want to even really talk. In the short bus, Kaya, apropos of nothing but his systematic denial that he is gay, goes off on what he likes in women. "I like a sensitive woman. She knows herself really well. Basically…and sexually." Alison says that she had a really great time with Kaya and that she hopes she gets to hang out with him by the pool or have drinks at the bar and la loo la. Kaya then makes the most profound statement of the week, by assuring us that the rest of the time he's on the island, he hopes to be "tempted." Kaya is lucky that way because he gets to be tempted by all twenty-six singles, including his tent-mates, and Mark L. Walberg.

Now we get to Yahtzee and Taheed's dates. Yahtzee rolls the dice with Sean, the twenty-three-year-old doofus dickshit who keeps reminding us that he is a massage therapist. (Does he know that therapist really spells out "The Rapist"? Think about it, y'all.) Actually, he's about as threatening as a gumball. He's the one who "raised the roof" during the introductions, and also busted out that line about not hating the playa, which was wack the very first time someone said it, let alone by the time it got to this tired-ass white boy. So Yahtzee and Sean are on a boat. They laugh. Yahtzee tells us that Sean is exactly what she likes in a man. She sounds like she's describing household cleanser, that's how excited she sounds about him. Meanwhile, Taheed tells us that he knew he would end up going out with his date, the twenty-five-year-old crisis counselor Lawonna, because she meets everything he likes in a woman. She looks great in a bikini, that's as much as we know so far.

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Temptation Island

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