Temptation Island

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | 533 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Kaya's A Rock. Mandy's An Island.

Moon. Music. Bonfire. Mark L. Walberg says his shit about saying what's in your heart and being honest and concluding with their final decision. He tells Mandy to go first. Ha, it's raining now. Cool. Way to work out your contingency plans, Fox. Your ducks are in a crooked line. Billy looks at her. She looks down. She puts on her "intense" voice, as opposed to her shrill-and-drunk-ho-voice, and talks about how at bonfire she was given the option to look at tapes, and the one that bothered her the most was Billy giving a striptease to a bunch of girl hos. Billy painfully laughs. We see a shot of that night. She says that she doesn't think she's ever been so furious in her "entire life." She says that she was "borderline out-of-control." Borderline? Feels like she's going to loose her mind. Billy keeps on pushing her love over it. She sluts on that when she was able to regroup (read: suck face drunkenly with the boy hos) she realized she was so mad because she thought she was seeing a side of Billy that he'd kept hidden from her. Dude. I don't get this chick. I guess I'm pretty much the only male in North America who hasn't gotten her. She whispers on that the major thing she learned -- the one thing he probably doesn't want to hear (he rubs his head) -- is that she could give herself the "power" to let go of Billy. Mark L. Walberg looks concerned. Billy is livid. She continues, "I had an intimate moment with someone." We see her and Jon kissing. Sadly, Billy probably thinks she's talking about the tape he already saw of her and Johnny and the nipple-licking. She continues, "And though it was nice, and comforting, it wasn't you. It wasn't my boyfriend. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives, and I never want to play this game again." Billy looks upset, as usual. She rubs her mouth. He looks down. He hasn't had his moment and goddamn it he's going to have it.

"Your turn, Billy," says Mark L. Walberg. The music stops. We hear the rain. The rare silence is effective. Let it play out like this without the…yeah, there's the obtrusive music kicking back in as Billy starts to talk. He draws this shit out, man. He gulps, saying that the whole game started with ease, that everything went naturally until…He leaps to saying that he made a "very strong" emotional connection with someone and that she and he have the same views on life. Yeah, right. Man, is Billy playing up this deep bond with an immature nude model for all it's worth. Liar. He lies on, saying, "She gave me her heart, and she gave me this to remember her by." He holds out the necklace Vanessa bought him. Lies! All lies! We saw no connection. Billy, you're an actor, and you're trying so hard here. I understand. I understand what you have to go through with Mandy, but no one is buying it. Mandy, I'm sure, isn't even buying it. Ah, fuck it. It's your night, man. Go to town, boy-o. He says that he learned that he could make emotional attachments to people other than Mandy, but the most important lesson he's taking away from this is that whatever he shared with Vanessa, it was nowhere close to what he's shared with Mandy. "This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do," he hyperbolizes on, "and I never want to do it again. If you'll have me, I promise I'll love you forever." Beat. She hugs him, and starts weeping. They kiss. They hug. The music goes into full-on Terms of Endearment mode. They milk it for a while. She whispers some shit like, "Take me home." We fade to commercial in a high-shot, as she says, "I love you I love you I love you." Aw. Eh. Hmm. Whatever. Good luck, children. Commercials.

Temptation Island

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