The Xylophones of The Cash Cow Coming to a Close play as Kaya hitches his pants up, thanks the Best Boy, and heads out to sit next to his "girlfriend." Valerie looks very upset, barely looking at Kaya. Kaya doesn't look at her at all. Mark L. Walberg: Speak. Heart. Honest. Conclude. Decision. Future. Relationship. The both just stare at Mark L. Walberg. Commercial break #46.

Schmonfire. Mark L. Walberg slouches on his log and asks Kaya and Valerie who wants to go first. No one says shit. Like an unanswered school teacher, Mark L. Walberg tells Valerie to go first. Valerie begins by saying that she thought she knew what she wanted in a man, and that after spending all this time with the boy hos, she honed that even further -- some of these "things" being the same, and some of them new. "The first experience that I had that really shook me…" Oh god, she's talking about seeing Kaya on that first date. She says that she waved to Kaya and she thought he saw her and he didn't respond and that really hurt her and Boo the fuck Hoo. Kaya shines on, crazy diamond. Valerie continues that the experience really shook her, and that later one of the other ladies told Valerie that she'd seen Kaya and Alison before and after their date and how different their body language was afterwards and how much more intimate. Man, whoever told her…who are we kidding? Mandy is such a bitch for telling Valerie that.

Valerie bitches on that she thought that maybe something had happened on the date and that in the past she might have gone and done something with a boy ho in order to protect herself, but she chose not to. She cries. Kaya shines. Mark L. Walberg smirks. Valerie continues by saying that it wasn't a "waste" to come here, but rather a challenge she's glad she took. She just peters out and…wait, no. She's not done. She busts out a piece of paper like she just won a Tony. (Well, even though Valerie has since revealed her desire to maybe become an actress, I can pretty much guarantee you she'll never be in that position.) She reads her speech extremely flatly. "You and I both know in my past relationships I sometimes acted on temptation…" (work it in one more time, girl) "Obviously, I must have found something exhilarating about acting on them. But now…" She begins to cry. Kaya looks down. Mark L. Walberg tries not to laugh. "…I derive my inspiration from my relationship with you and not from acting on those temptations." Uh, she had to write that down? Man, that was some deep and highly poetical shit right there. She looks to Kaya who has no reaction but to shine a little brighter. She hangs her head in shame. Mark L. Walberg nods sagely to Kaya to bring it on home. Valerie adds that obviously her conclusion is that Kaya is the one she wants to be with. Kaya rubs his head, realizing with a sudden white-hot shock that she really has no idea what he really is. "Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?"