Temptation Island
Touched By An Island

Episode Report Card
Stee: B- | Grade It Now!
Kaya's A Rock. Mandy's An Island.

Valerie bitches on that she thought that maybe something had happened on the date and that in the past she might have gone and done something with a boy ho in order to protect herself, but she chose not to. She cries. Kaya shines. Mark L. Walberg smirks. Valerie continues by saying that it wasn't a "waste" to come here, but rather a challenge she's glad she took. She just peters out and…wait, no. She's not done. She busts out a piece of paper like she just won a Tony. (Well, even though Valerie has since revealed her desire to maybe become an actress, I can pretty much guarantee you she'll never be in that position.) She reads her speech extremely flatly. "You and I both know in my past relationships I sometimes acted on temptation…" (work it in one more time, girl) "Obviously, I must have found something exhilarating about acting on them. But now…" She begins to cry. Kaya looks down. Mark L. Walberg tries not to laugh. "…I derive my inspiration from my relationship with you and not from acting on those temptations." Uh, she had to write that down? Man, that was some deep and highly poetical shit right there. She looks to Kaya who has no reaction but to shine a little brighter. She hangs her head in shame. Mark L. Walberg nods sagely to Kaya to bring it on home. Valerie adds that obviously her conclusion is that Kaya is the one she wants to be with. Kaya rubs his head, realizing with a sudden white-hot shock that she really has no idea what he really is. "Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?"

Kaya's turn. No one says anything. Kaya mumbles. He starts by saying that he did not see her on his first date, that he can't see long distances without his glasses and that she knows that. She nods, thinking how smart Kaya was to throw that in there, and she "Yes, ands…" like a good acting partner…I mean, "girlfriend." Kaya continues that they came into this in order to experience as much as they could, thus learning more about themselves and growing and becoming better people and thus having more to offer...and more shit that I just tune out. During this, Valerie does a take to the camera. It's some funny shit. Kaya shines that what happened here to him, more than to anyone, was a wild ride. (I know, his sentence makes little sense either.) He babbles on about how he opened himself up to all his fears. He begins to list the physical stuff he did, leaving out, "kissing a female." He then says that he took emotional chances, too. "Whatever I did, I feel good. I can honestly tell you I have no regrets over a single thing I did here." He blathers on that he set out to know "the girls" on a deeper level, if the connection was there. Kaya says that there were "two connections…with girls." Hee. He takes this huge pause between "connections" and "with girls." That's funny shit. Moreover, the phraseology these kids keep using is so funny -- as if it would even work in the real world. "Honey, yes, I made emotional connections with two strippers in Vegas…we shared an intimate moment together." Now comes the bullshit. (Okay, back to assuming Kaya is on the level here…) Kaya justifies his ass off: "It's so hard to be alone and to be making the most difficult choices and the most complex choices. Because every time I had to make a choice I made the most difficult choice and I made the most complex choice because I knew that would be my way of growing and that would be my way of learning about myself and becoming who I am and learning about my individuality."

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Temptation Island




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