Temptation Island
You Don't Have To Go Ho, But You Can't Stay Here

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | Grade It Now!
Skank You Very Much

Beach. Mark L. Walberg. The guys arrive. He says hi. No one says anything. The guys sit and Mark L. Walberg tools on that this is Final Date Selection, and the dates will be "off the chart." Holler! Mark L. Walberg goes on to say that they got to meet the girl hos and made various connections and there were some they didn't like...and Mark L. Walberg throws in, here, obviously in voice-over added later, that the guys booted Magalie. We see her being given the Necklace of Buh-Bye. Wow. Temptation Island 2 didn't even bother showing that shit. Huh. Anyway, the girl hos come out and line up on the beach. The guys watch. There are eight hos left. (Sing with me now: eight is enough, to fill our beach with skank.)

Edmundo is first. He babbles that he feels comfortable and doesn't feel like he has to hide anything from anyone and he's made a connection and she's a great woman and a close friend. Edmundo gets up in slo-mo. Walks in slo-mo. Ho shots. Ho shots. Slo-mo. Lord, they're drawing this out. It's Linda. They kiss and hug as Pink looks down, defeated. Linda camera-talks that there is so much she can't even say about Edmundo, and they share the same thoughts and never planned it and fuck off.

Mark is next. The tattoo on his arm, from far away, looks like a question mark. Which is sort of fitting in many ways for him. Mark says shit about friends and how this girl held him and gives him everything he wants and more and lets him talk about his girlfriend and bloo blee bleh. He walks in slo-mo and we get a ho-tage of skanks and more slo-mo walking as he walks to Debbie. She says she was hoping and was confident she'd be picked because they have "definitely created a few sparks." For those who don't speak Whore, let me translate: "I sucked his dick, first making him promise to pick me for his final date."

Tommy. He says that, several days ago, he changed his mind. He's picking the girl who felt like she was the underdog and didn't belong there and felt like she was "on the bottom." Huh? Oh, he's picking the loser of the bunch. He says that he's felt like he was on the bottom before in his life, and he's "all about balance," and this feels like the right thing to do. I wonder if they know who he's talking about. I do. Commercials.

Back. Slo-mo. Slo-mo. Yup, he picks Katie. Yeah! I mean, I don't wish it on her to be stuck with Tommy, but, cool. She camera-talks that it's flattering, and maybe he learned something from her. Or maybe cuz you fine, girl! Shit. Pink wipes Kristin's tears away. Hee.

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Temptation Island




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