Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Terminator 2: Judgment Day

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Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Officer Robert (I'm sorry to keep referring to him and Arnold by the names of the actors, but the character names are "T-800" and "T-1000", and I don't think I'd be able to face myself in the morning if I went down that path) pulls into shot in his police car, and we get a good long look at the "To Protect and Serve" logo on the door. We're no longer in the hospital, by the way; the magic of cinema has whisked us away to the Foster residence. Robert Patrick seems almost human (that's what I kept saying about Doggett!) as he interviews Mr. and Mrs. Foster Parent, even giving them a thin-lipped little smile as he leaves with John's picture. See what I mean, here? This Terminator is in a police uniform, with a "protect and serve" sticker on his car, and he's smiling at the parents. If you didn't know anything but the first movie, you'd be convinced that this was the Good Terminator. Meanwhile, at the Federal Security Bank, John and his friend (whose mullet keeps making me think of Corey Feldman) have a magical ATM-cracking device that lets them steal three hundred dollars. It seems that young John learned the arts of Electronics and Unconvincing Movie Gimcrackery from his "real mom", who would be Sarah. You remember Sarah, we just left her with Dr. Condescension. After some grilling by Not Corey Feldman, John snaps and says that his mom's a complete psycho; that's why she's at a mental institution. Which the audience already knew, having seen her there two minutes ago. There really isn't much plot to this movie, so I don't know why they feel the need to go over every point two or three times. We get the picture: Good Robot, Bad Robot. Fight! Anyway, John, Not Corey, and the intermingled sounds of a two-stroke engine and Axl Rose singing the same song as before roar down the suburban street, unaware that they're being followed a big, menacing Austrian on a motorcycle. Back to the hospital. Sarah is watching herself on a videotape, talking about her dreams of nuclear fire (the nuclear fire from 1997, which is in her future, but our past, although since she learned about it in the last movie, she thinks of it as being in her past as well -- got that?). "I'm sure it feels very real to you," oozes the doctor. "On August 29, 1997, it's gonna feel pretty fuckin' real to you, too. Anybody not wearin' two million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?" snaps Sarah, and for some reason, it turns out that this movie didn't win any Academy Awards for its writing.

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles




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