Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Terminator

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"I'll Be Back."
Here's one of the Sarah Connors, riding down a Los Angeles street on an ugly light brown motorcycle that she parks in front of the tubby plaster lad holding plaster hamburgers outside of "Big Jeff's." Judging from her feathered hair, she's arriving straight from the set of a Whitesnake video. This could actually be true, as the vast majority of '80s videos were set either in dingy paper-strewn alleys (gang members were always implausibly choreographed) or post-apocalypse dystopias (mainly in utterly incomprehensible videos by Duran Duran). She strides into the restaurant, and someone gives her grief for being late, not -- as you'd assume -- for the high-waisted stone-washed mom jeans by Guess. Elsewhere, a sneering Arnie smashes the driver's side window of a crappy station wagon, rips off the steering column, and starts the car using his fingers. If you're going to program an unstoppable killing machine, you might as well give it a list of cool cars to steal. As if the indignity of her ugly pink dress uniform weren't bad enough, Sarah appears to be working in one of those movie restaurants where customers from all across the restaurant just yell at the waitress even if she's currently at another table. Sarah, unfortunately, seems to be a crappy waitress, so maybe she deserves to be working here. And maybe deserves the bratty kid who dumps a scoop of ice cream into her front pocket. "Nice going, kid. Ought to give you the tip," says one of the alleged grown-ups at the table. Sarah's co-worker cheerily points out that in a hundred years no one's going to care. No, everyone will breathlessly waiting to see if Robotron: 2084 proves to be the most prophetic video game ever. Arnie strolls into the Alamo Sport Shop and buys the following: a 12-gauge auto-loader, a 45-long slide with laser sighting, and an Uzi nine-millimetre. He also asks for a "phased plasma rifle," which wasn't invented at the time (or yet, goddammit). The clerk tells him there's a 15-day wait on the handguns, but he can take the rifles now. What he can't do, which Arnie is doing, is load the shotgun right there in the store. "Wrong," says the Terminator, and blows the guy away. (Remember, those of you who never saw the first movie: Arnie is the bad guy in this one.) Still skulking about in alleyways, Michael Biehn saws off his shotgun to make hiding it a lot easier. It's the middle of the day already! What's he been doing all this time? Mankind's slim hope for future survival isn't going to preserve itself, you know!

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

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