Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Terminator

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Daniel: A | Grade It Now!
"I'll Be Back."
Arnie pulls the shaggin' wagon over to the side of the street because he needs to use a phone booth, but apparently wanted to wait until he found one being used by a burly bearded guy whom he could toss aside. I'm thinking even in 1984 they could have made the futuristic killing machine a little less dependent on obsolete-in-2029 technology. It's like if they sent someone back thirty-five years from 2008 and he had to rely on telegraphs to communicate. Arnie also looks up the three Sarah Connors in the phone book. Fortunately for him, he didn't stop at the same phone booth that Michael Biehn vandalized, so the page IS STILL THERE. Elsewhere, it's not so fortunate, however, for one of the other two Sarah Connors, who opens her door to a glowering futuristic killing machine. Arnie opts for the automatic with the laser sight, and pops her right in the forehead. By the time of our heroine waitress's coffee break, her co-workers are morbidly delighted that a murder victim has the same name as their colleague. "You're dead, honey," says her wisecracking buddy, who is...smoking and chewing gum at the same time? Do people do that? Meanwhile, Biehn has hotwired a car (the old-fashioned way) at a construction site, his location chosen for no other apparent reason than so the giant machinery can make him flash back to the future, with the skull-crushing tanks and what have you, where he was a bandanna-clad resistance fighter, dodging laser beams and sentry helicopters and some crappy Euro-dance Gary Numan-esque instrumental music. The killer machinery doesn't seem all that efficient, providing Biehn and a female partner ample opportunity to throw some kind of explosive thermoses underneath the treads of one of the tanks, which, before it gets blowed up, manages to obliterate Biehn's buddy. He allows himself a moment to clench his teeth in manly rage, before hopping into a car with mounted artillery. He and the gunner get blown onto their side, which seems to be good enough for the killer machines. Biehn struggles to free himself from the flaming wreckage... ...and back in the present day, Biehn jolts awake, stares at some digging equipment corkscrewing into the ground, and pulls out of the parking lot. Elsewhere, Sarah and her buddy are getting ready for an evening on the town. Sarah's friend pops a cassette tape into a Walkman the size of a car battery and starts bopping to the music, which was the style at the time. The phone rings, and Sarah strolls into the living room, wearing a Jetsons T-shirt. She picks up something that looks like a phone, only bigger, and with a curly cord attached to one end. The voice on the other end says, "First I'm going to rip your buttons off one by one, and then run my tongue down your neck to your bare, gleaming breasts." Grandpa? Sarah starts to smile as the guy describes various oral clothing removal methods, and yells for "Ginger" that "it's Matt," only Ginger has her headphones in and can't hear, so Sarah listens a little while longer to Matt, who we see is wearing a...sleeveless Albert Einstein shirt? "Who is this?" she says, flustering Matt, who asks for Ginger. "It's the creep," Sarah tells Ginger, handing the phone over. Completely recovered, Matt launches into his lascivious little speech again, word for word.

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles




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