MONDO EXTRAS

The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five

by The TWoP Staff August 13, 2004
The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five

The Lucy Knight Memorial "Put Your Goddamn Hair Up, This Is A Hospital For God's Sack" Medal For Inappropriate Attire In The TV Workplace
To the CSI wardrobe mistress, who plated Marg Helgenberger's dinners in a series of overly revealing v-necked t-shirts all season. It's a lab show, not a Hooters event. Put 'em away. -- Sars

The Susan Faludi Memorial Medal
Another reason we happily watched CSI was because we were guaranteed two strong female characters who weren't a) bubbleheads, b) living to serve their male colleagues, or c) emotional basket cases validating the antiquated concept that a women who had a career had nothing else. And then, this year, both Marg Helgenberger's Catherine and Jorja Fox's Sara turned into bubbleheaded emotional basket cases, engaging in inappropriate sexual advances on murder suspects (Catherine), egregious ethics violations concerning murder suspects and payola (Catherine), inappropriate sexual advances on coworkers (Sara), and coming-from-nowhere tendencies to knock back a six-pack for breakfast (Sara). None of the guys suffered analogous woes. Should Susan Faludi ever want to ditch her dissection of thirtysomething's anti-chick sentiments for something a little more current, she's got Exhibit A right here. -- Sobell

The Wil Wheaton "Shut Up, Wesley" Award for the Most Over-Educated Simp in a Nighttime Drama
Who else? Wesley Wyndham-Price. -- Keckler

The Golden Globes Dinners Award
Awarded to Subcommander T'Pol for that awfully revealing shot of her right breast in the third season opener. We haven't seen that much naked globage in a Star Trek series since the Klingon Boob Windows as modeled by Lursa and Bator. -- Keckler

Lamest Excuse to Get Into Star Trek Pants Since an Irish Peasant Asked Riker to Wash Her Feet
Trip and T'Pol's neural node nudging sessions are the 22nd-century equivalent of going to an eighth grade movie party and offering massages to the chicks you like. -- Keckler

Worst Prop Use of a Fresh Cheese
When Dr. Phlox pulled out a wet ball of mozzarella cheese and injected it with Trip's DNA, viewers everywhere ordered out for pizzas and caprese salads. -- Keckler

The Cham-pain Cocktail Award for Shilling (and Swilling) Extensive Amounts of Alcohol
It isn't hard to guess why Sandra Lee of Semi-Homemade fame feels the need to include soused recipes of cocktails, punches, and spritzers with her other dishes. This Wal-Martha Stewart mixes mayonnaise with guacamole to make tea sandwiches, empties pudding cups between pre-packaged shortcake and calls it "tiramisu," and concocts a summer salad with CANNED potatoes. Then there was the time she dumped browned hamburger meat in a pot with kidney beans and called it chili with absolutely no seasonings whatsoever. Hey, Sandra -- where's the CHILI?! No, don't answer that, just pass me the pitcher of beer-garitas you "invented" while at college in La Crosse, WI. -- Keckler

The William Shatner Award for Best Scenery Chewing

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The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five

by The TWoP Staff August 13, 2004
The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five

The Lucy Knight Memorial "Put Your Goddamn Hair Up, This Is A Hospital For God's Sack" Medal For Inappropriate Attire In The TV Workplace
To the CSI wardrobe mistress, who plated Marg Helgenberger's dinners in a series of overly revealing v-necked t-shirts all season. It's a lab show, not a Hooters event. Put 'em away. -- Sars

The Susan Faludi Memorial Medal
Another reason we happily watched CSI was because we were guaranteed two strong female characters who weren't a) bubbleheads, b) living to serve their male colleagues, or c) emotional basket cases validating the antiquated concept that a women who had a career had nothing else. And then, this year, both Marg Helgenberger's Catherine and Jorja Fox's Sara turned into bubbleheaded emotional basket cases, engaging in inappropriate sexual advances on murder suspects (Catherine), egregious ethics violations concerning murder suspects and payola (Catherine), inappropriate sexual advances on coworkers (Sara), and coming-from-nowhere tendencies to knock back a six-pack for breakfast (Sara). None of the guys suffered analogous woes. Should Susan Faludi ever want to ditch her dissection of thirtysomething's anti-chick sentiments for something a little more current, she's got Exhibit A right here. -- Sobell

The Wil Wheaton "Shut Up, Wesley" Award for the Most Over-Educated Simp in a Nighttime Drama
Who else? Wesley Wyndham-Price. -- Keckler

The Golden Globes Dinners Award
Awarded to Subcommander T'Pol for that awfully revealing shot of her right breast in the third season opener. We haven't seen that much naked globage in a Star Trek series since the Klingon Boob Windows as modeled by Lursa and Bator. -- Keckler

Lamest Excuse to Get Into Star Trek Pants Since an Irish Peasant Asked Riker to Wash Her Feet
Trip and T'Pol's neural node nudging sessions are the 22nd-century equivalent of going to an eighth grade movie party and offering massages to the chicks you like. -- Keckler

Worst Prop Use of a Fresh Cheese
When Dr. Phlox pulled out a wet ball of mozzarella cheese and injected it with Trip's DNA, viewers everywhere ordered out for pizzas and caprese salads. -- Keckler

The Cham-pain Cocktail Award for Shilling (and Swilling) Extensive Amounts of Alcohol
It isn't hard to guess why Sandra Lee of Semi-Homemade fame feels the need to include soused recipes of cocktails, punches, and spritzers with her other dishes. This Wal-Martha Stewart mixes mayonnaise with guacamole to make tea sandwiches, empties pudding cups between pre-packaged shortcake and calls it "tiramisu," and concocts a summer salad with CANNED potatoes. Then there was the time she dumped browned hamburger meat in a pot with kidney beans and called it chili with absolutely no seasonings whatsoever. Hey, Sandra -- where's the CHILI?! No, don't answer that, just pass me the pitcher of beer-garitas you "invented" while at college in La Crosse, WI. -- Keckler

The William Shatner Award for Best Scenery Chewing

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

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