MONDO EXTRAS

The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five A surprise win goes to 7th Heaven -- which, along with ER, is poised to be the Tubey equivalent of the Emmy Stranglehold team of The West Wing/Sopranos -- for Annie's father's death. It is the belief of this committee that the entire character -- his mysterious other children, his mysterious illness, the strange preference he shared with his daughter for Mary over all the other kids -- was created in order to get us closer to the most hilarious and frightening episode of this season, in which Apocalypse Now-style monologues, and a mysterious pizza-store loiterer who may just have been an "angel" (of either the heavenly, or the more mundane mentally-disabled, sort), and a fat child who demanded to be adopted all carried out the weird psychic waves of Annie's overwhelming joy, bordering on ecstasy, at the death of her father, which spread across the entire bloated cast in an orgy of celebration and dance numbers. -- Jacob

The That's So Raven! Award for Incessant Child-Whoring
Goes to the entire cast, crew, production company, their parent companies, and the Bravo channel, for Showbiz Moms and Dads, an in-depth look at child abuse in the Western world. Children of the homosexual Nutters, we salute you! But we will not pay your therapy bills! -- Jacob

Answered Casting Prayer Of The Year
Elisabeth Rohm slides off the L&O casting couch and lands in a disheveled, but still wooden, heap on the floor. FINALLY. In related news, The Log-With-Lips Acting Tiara has been returned to the previous title-holder, Harry Hamlin. -- Sars

Best Spoiler Control of a Predictable Surprise Twist
The serial killer storyline Jim Reilly worked up for his return to Days of Our Lives outraged fans when spoilers revealed that ten much-loved characters were slated as victims. As corpses piled up (one fell out of piñata!), the rumor was that the cast was being purged as a cost-cutting move and/or to refocus the show on younger, prettier characters. Fans expressed their fury as only they can: with incoherent online petitions. Six months after the hubbub began, the news finally broke that the dead characters would, of course, return, trapped on a mysterious island while their loved ones mourned their faked deaths. Even the actors had been fooled. The genius of the trick was that the behind-the-scenes gossip confirmed that many of the "victims'" contracts were up, so the more spoiled you were, the more likely you were to believe that the characters were history. -- Strega

"This Pathosphere is Perplexing" Award for Hamfisted Melodrama

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The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Five A surprise win goes to 7th Heaven -- which, along with ER, is poised to be the Tubey equivalent of the Emmy Stranglehold team of The West Wing/Sopranos -- for Annie's father's death. It is the belief of this committee that the entire character -- his mysterious other children, his mysterious illness, the strange preference he shared with his daughter for Mary over all the other kids -- was created in order to get us closer to the most hilarious and frightening episode of this season, in which Apocalypse Now-style monologues, and a mysterious pizza-store loiterer who may just have been an "angel" (of either the heavenly, or the more mundane mentally-disabled, sort), and a fat child who demanded to be adopted all carried out the weird psychic waves of Annie's overwhelming joy, bordering on ecstasy, at the death of her father, which spread across the entire bloated cast in an orgy of celebration and dance numbers. -- Jacob

The That's So Raven! Award for Incessant Child-Whoring
Goes to the entire cast, crew, production company, their parent companies, and the Bravo channel, for Showbiz Moms and Dads, an in-depth look at child abuse in the Western world. Children of the homosexual Nutters, we salute you! But we will not pay your therapy bills! -- Jacob

Answered Casting Prayer Of The Year
Elisabeth Rohm slides off the L&O casting couch and lands in a disheveled, but still wooden, heap on the floor. FINALLY. In related news, The Log-With-Lips Acting Tiara has been returned to the previous title-holder, Harry Hamlin. -- Sars

Best Spoiler Control of a Predictable Surprise Twist
The serial killer storyline Jim Reilly worked up for his return to Days of Our Lives outraged fans when spoilers revealed that ten much-loved characters were slated as victims. As corpses piled up (one fell out of piñata!), the rumor was that the cast was being purged as a cost-cutting move and/or to refocus the show on younger, prettier characters. Fans expressed their fury as only they can: with incoherent online petitions. Six months after the hubbub began, the news finally broke that the dead characters would, of course, return, trapped on a mysterious island while their loved ones mourned their faked deaths. Even the actors had been fooled. The genius of the trick was that the behind-the-scenes gossip confirmed that many of the "victims'" contracts were up, so the more spoiled you were, the more likely you were to believe that the characters were history. -- Strega

"This Pathosphere is Perplexing" Award for Hamfisted Melodrama

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

Comments

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