MONDO EXTRAS

The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Four

But if we really had to pick the crowning glory to a season that stank, it would have to be the closing moment of the final episode, wherein Jack was revealed to have been behind the spy-ification of his very own daughter. Yeah, he may never have gotten her a pony, but at least he got her a gun and a license to kill. Daddy really does know best. -- Regina

The Amazing Race
When Millie the persistent virgin met Kelly the potty-mouthed Texan, it was hate at first sight. Kelly mocked Millie's mole, Millie nursed a powerful superiority complex, and their respective boyfriends came along for the ride. It seemed to be destiny that these two teams would race each other to the mat at a crucial moment, and indeed, they did. After Jon and Kelly blew the Fast Forward and Millie turned into a walking advertisement for No-Doz, both teams figured they were done for. When they spotted each other at the last task of the day, the epic battle was joined. In the end, a filthy Millie and Chuck finished last, cementing their trip as one of the most unsettling a team has ever taken. -- Miss Alli

American Idol
It's easy to pick the most memorable moment from American Idol, given how everybody involved with the show is insistent on driving it into the ground. Fantasia Barrino's initial rendition of "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess was a turning point for a singer who was already proving to be a favorite. She was known for her energetic performances and brassy attitude, but this elegant version showed that she was also a technically skilled singer who, unlike most of the other competitors, could infuse any song with the appropriate level of passion. Unfortunately, the singular quality of the performance was undercut, as she repeated the song in exactly the same fashion two more times before the end of the season.

On the other end of the spectrum, William Hung managed to encapsulate every single quality that defines a bad audition: atrocious, tuneless singing; clumsy "choreography"; hideous outfits; an awkward, uncomfortable lack of stage presence; and best of all, a complete obliviousness to all the previous flaws. He managed to parlay his complete and utter incompetence into a career as a novelty act, making money as the whole nation laughed uncomfortably at him, like some sort of singing sideshow act. -- Shack

America's Next Top Model
In a tight three-way battle between Mercedes and her lupus, Yoanna and her lovely love handles, and Tyra staring meaningfully at inanimate objects and calling it "working," the top moment of Top Model's second season goes to...Shandi being a total skanky ho. Seconds after Tyra gave the girls the order to "Pack your bags, y'all, we're goin' to Milan," the flattered-but-spoken-for Shandi was wasted in a hot tub filled with hunky Italian boys. Back home, her cuckolded boyfriend made like Real World Boston when he cried that his girlfriend was a whore and a jerk and a bad, bad girl. -- Djb

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

Comments

The 2003-2004 Tubey Awards, Part Four

But if we really had to pick the crowning glory to a season that stank, it would have to be the closing moment of the final episode, wherein Jack was revealed to have been behind the spy-ification of his very own daughter. Yeah, he may never have gotten her a pony, but at least he got her a gun and a license to kill. Daddy really does know best. -- Regina

The Amazing Race
When Millie the persistent virgin met Kelly the potty-mouthed Texan, it was hate at first sight. Kelly mocked Millie's mole, Millie nursed a powerful superiority complex, and their respective boyfriends came along for the ride. It seemed to be destiny that these two teams would race each other to the mat at a crucial moment, and indeed, they did. After Jon and Kelly blew the Fast Forward and Millie turned into a walking advertisement for No-Doz, both teams figured they were done for. When they spotted each other at the last task of the day, the epic battle was joined. In the end, a filthy Millie and Chuck finished last, cementing their trip as one of the most unsettling a team has ever taken. -- Miss Alli

American Idol
It's easy to pick the most memorable moment from American Idol, given how everybody involved with the show is insistent on driving it into the ground. Fantasia Barrino's initial rendition of "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess was a turning point for a singer who was already proving to be a favorite. She was known for her energetic performances and brassy attitude, but this elegant version showed that she was also a technically skilled singer who, unlike most of the other competitors, could infuse any song with the appropriate level of passion. Unfortunately, the singular quality of the performance was undercut, as she repeated the song in exactly the same fashion two more times before the end of the season.

On the other end of the spectrum, William Hung managed to encapsulate every single quality that defines a bad audition: atrocious, tuneless singing; clumsy "choreography"; hideous outfits; an awkward, uncomfortable lack of stage presence; and best of all, a complete obliviousness to all the previous flaws. He managed to parlay his complete and utter incompetence into a career as a novelty act, making money as the whole nation laughed uncomfortably at him, like some sort of singing sideshow act. -- Shack

America's Next Top Model
In a tight three-way battle between Mercedes and her lupus, Yoanna and her lovely love handles, and Tyra staring meaningfully at inanimate objects and calling it "working," the top moment of Top Model's second season goes to...Shandi being a total skanky ho. Seconds after Tyra gave the girls the order to "Pack your bags, y'all, we're goin' to Milan," the flattered-but-spoken-for Shandi was wasted in a hot tub filled with hunky Italian boys. Back home, her cuckolded boyfriend made like Real World Boston when he cried that his girlfriend was a whore and a jerk and a bad, bad girl. -- Djb

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP