Elsewhere, Dmitry and Patton are continuing their endless conversation. Patton wants to know why Digger was killed if he didn't have a bomb. Dmitry says that perhaps Digger had something that even the Russians didn't know about. "Like what?" asks Patton. "Like a stack of vintage 1963 Playboys or the entire bootleg collection of Traci Lords underage porn," says Dmitry. "Or, you know, smoke detectors, or something like that." Patton suddenly gets extremely pissed off and demands to know if Dmitry's holding anything back. Dmitry flips him the bird and scrambles off to his Russian limo before Patton can head-butt him.
And again with the Valley of Trivial Pursuits. Miles is chugging coffee at Paige's desk. He comes across some wayward documents and asks Paige what they are. They're Paige's recreations of magazines and articles that her ex stole a bunch of ad campaigns from. That's it. That's all. There's an entire two-minute scene built around this core premise. Will I recap it in detail? What the hell do you think?
Then Jeanie's spy-speaking about the hacking procedure. What was that? Do I care? That answer would be no, thank you very much. They found some guy who used to work at Digger's hardware store or something. Long and short of it is, this guy -- let's call him "Duke Nuke 'Em," or "Nuke" for short -- lives with his mother, subscribes to all sorts of gun magazines, and has been bragging around in various chat rooms that he has his hands on a nuclear weapon.
And here's the scene that is ripped almost directly out of Silence of the Lambs. We see Nuke in some room somewhere, and there's a knock on his door. He grabs his gun and moves to it as we see a group of FBI guys outside the door with guns at the ready. Inside, outside, Nuke, FBI, inside, outside, Nuke, FBI. Nuke opens the door and...it's the motel maid, asking if he wants more towels. At the same time, the FBI is questioning a shaken Mother Nuke. See? It's just like that scene where Clarice Starling goes to Jame Gumb's house and the FBI thinks that they're at Jame Gumb's house, but when Jame Gumb goes to open the door, it's Clarice standing outside and not the FBI. It's just like that! Except, while watching this scene in the Agency, I didn't jump out of my chair and spew popcorn all over my friend Lena. Actually, I think I scratched my nose and wondered where my Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers had gotten to.