The Agency
In Our Own Backyard

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For Whom The Bomb Tolls

Agent Asiago declares that the CIA can't afford to be wrong about this. Patton agrees, and informs Father Fontina that the FBI called in a NEST team. In case you're not up on your spy-speak, "NEST" stands for "Nuclear Emergency Search Team." And in case you think I'm some sort of spy-speak idiot savant, I didn't know what the hell "NEST" stood for until it appeared at the bottom of my TV screen.

At the same time as the Patton crew is briefing Taskmaster Telemea, a bunch of yellow-clad dudes start carting equipment into the fallout shelter. Billy's with them. When one of the guys waves something over the square on the floor, the radiation readings are off the charts. Shocker part trois.

Back in Ensign Emmental's office, he's all pissy that no one talked to him about this before they talked to the FBI. Just as Warrior Wensleydale is trying to convince the Patton crew that suitcase bomb rumors have been circulating since 1950 without any concrete proof, Billy calls in with the radiation info. His Honor Herrgardost looks like he just swallowed a Guatemalan fruit bat. Cue commercial.

The Debriefing Room Of All Debriefing Rooms. Jeanie enters and informs Prior Piora that the NEST team is doing a discreet search of various locations. "How many people know about this?" Cottage Cheese inquires. "Us, the FBI, and the readers of Thong," says Rocky. Hee! Now THAT was funny. Especially his delivery. I giggled. More! More silly Rocky quips! MORE!

Viscount Velveeta attempts to pretty much live in denial when it comes to the possibility of a suitcase bomb in this guy's shelter. He mentions something about the guy storing smoke detectors in his shelter, as opposed to a bomb. "Smoke detectors?" Patton snorts. Bandleader Banon basically acts like a kid who hasn't brushed his teeth before bedtime and has to come up with a reason. "Yeah! Um, you know! Like, they have small amounts of radioactive see -- I mean, stuff, I mean, like, maybe it was one of those rayguns or something! It could happen! Like, maybe it was an alien. That's it! It was an alien! Oh...all right...I'll go brush my teeth..." Seriously. The man is fidgeting like he wet his bed and doesn't want anyone to know about it.

Colby Jack starts handing out orders left and right while completely ignoring Patton, who seems to be trying to get to the bottom of why Friar Friesian is almost blatantly announcing to the group that this bomb doesn't exist. At this point, every time Patton speaks, I fully expect Prince Provolone to put his hands over his ears and go, "LA LA LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

And here's the part where Miles makes like Charlie in Charlie's Angels and gives Paige directives in voice-over while Paige works her graphic magic. There's a long montage where Paige is supposed to be creating Billy's cover as a book publisher. She alters pictures, creates children's drawings, and devises a disguise for Billy that makes him look like a goateed Rivers Cuomo. All this stuff is pretty cool. I mean, it's pretty cool until Paige herself is dressing the office that Billy's going to use in order to impersonate this publisher guy. She's hanging pictures, placing nameplates, touching up his desk. Isn't she just a graphic designer? Didn't she state in the first episode that she was just a graphic designer for the CIA? Don't they have other people to do the legwork? I mean, it is the CIA, after all. Do you mean to tell me that SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO THIS SHIT? Whatever to the nth degree, you know?

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The Agency

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