Anyway, as Virgin in the Middle stumbles along, the kidnapper behind him drops like a stone when a bullet hits him. One by one, the kidnappers are all nailed. The hostages look around with their mouths agape. A voice shouts, "U.S. SPECIAL FORCES! CLEAR!" And slowly, a group of camouflaged men rises from the forest floor. That was actually pretty cool. Not cool enough to make me care, but semi-cool nonetheless.
Back to reality, where Jeanie's hanging out in the cafeteria. Billy walks up. "You're back," she says. No, Jeanie, he's still in Indonesia. He banged one of those whores that he wasn't supposed to, and now he's laid up in some claptrap of a hospital with a scorching case of herpes. Duh. Billy thanks her for sending the boat for him and Poca. They ying and yang some more about Poca and how Billy was right about her not being ready and how Poca still got the hostages and yada yada yada lobster bisque. Then Jeanie apologizes for being hard on Billy the other day. You know, when she was all bringing up his brother and shit. "I've had that conversation before, where I asked someone not to go into an impossible place," says Jeanie. "And, uh, Eric went anyway," surmises Billy. Jeanie, with tears in her eyes, says, "I don't ever want to have that conversation again." Billy just looks down at the table.
"So," she says, shaking off the angst. "What'd you get me in Indonesia?" "Oh," says Billy, "I thought you said you didn't want anything." "Are you insane?" she screeches. "Oh, man! You are JUST like your brother! You know he went to fucking SWITZERLAND and he didn't even bring me back a single fucking WATCH?! No! Ooooohhhh no! He brought me a fucking key chain MADE OUT OF SWISS CHOCOLATE! IT MELTED ALL OVER HIS SUITCASE. You guys suck!" Billy, now actually afraid for his life, sheepishly reaches into his pocket and pulls out a shot glass emblazoned with the phrase, "Kalimantans Do It In Red Bandannas." Jeanie promptly inserts the shot glass into Billy's left nostril and walks off, vowing never again to date a man who buys her gifts in airport gift stores.
Next week: Who let the dogs out? And who told them it was okay to dig up that bomb that my Russian friend told me to bury out there?