The Agency
The Year Of Lying Dangerously

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How do you say "sucks" in Indonesian?

Billy doesn't acknowledge Jeanie's assessment of Poca, instead moving on to the ever-entertaining subject of his brother's death. Billy's all, Jackson told me to call this guy in Casualty Affairs. Jeanie's all, dude, he died fighting for his country, leave it alone already! Billy's all, but, dude, don't you wanna know how he died? Jeanie's all, dude, FIND A NEW STORYLINE.

RDL Mining Company Barracks, Kalimantan. Sorry, there just wasn't any funny way to spin that location. Some guy's on the phone, talking about flights out of Kalimantan. There are no flights in your future, pawn-boy. Enter the Red Bandanna Gang with guns a-wavin'. They're here to take the RDL kids on a little field trip. TO HELL.

Bend Me, Break Me, Brief Me Room. Jeanie declares that the probs in Indonesia just got a wee bit tougher. The kidnappers are demanding that RDL pull out of Kalimantan before the end of the month or they'll kill the hostages. Miles enters with Paige in tow. Paige works her finger magic and blah blahs about what she's doing while she's doing it, which really means nothing, and finally comes up with an enhanced image of one of the kidnappers. Turns out he's Big Bad's aide de camp. Just in case this isn't clear enough for those of us in the audience with an IQ above three, Miles says, "The kidnappers aren't [Kayak]. They're [Big Bad's] own soldiers."

Rocky asks Cheese if this is enough to put Big Bad away. Cheese doesn't think so. Big Bad will just deny any involvement and claim that his aide went berserk and acted alone. Then he'll kill anyone with any knowledge of his little mining plan, including the hostages. Cheese tells Jeanie that they have to move Poca into operation, like, NOW. Billy whines, "But sir! She's not even ready yet! I mean, she's like a baby pea right now. She needs nurturing and care and feeding --" "She is too ready, you moaner!" Jeanie pipes in. "She totally rocks my world! Stop your mincing and go buy a handbag or something. Oh, and your brother? Sucked in bed." "Cheese! Jeanie called me a 'moaner'! And Poca doesn't even have a cover yet!" says Billy, wiping the snot from beneath his nose. "Um, dude?" pipes in Miles, lighting a one-hitter. "What in the hell do you think we do all day? Hello? WE MAKE COVERS. I think we can handle this. And, dude? Your barn door's open. HA! Made ya look! Loser."

Cheese tells the kids to play nice or he's turning this car around. Then he commands Jeanie to tell Poca to pack her bags and get Poca's ass down to Indonesia pronto. Jeanie quickly leaves the room, smacking Billy on the back of the head with her strawberry margarita Chupa-Chups pop on the way out.

Halls Of Hidden Hullabaloo. Billy's still trying to get Jeanie to pick a different method of getting rid of Big Bad. Jeanie shoves a Cheeto in his ear and tells him to knock it off with the whole "Poca's not ready" crap already. Billy straps on his "MAN" gear and grabs Jeanie's arm, saying, "If she gets burned, she won't have diplomatic immunity to protect her." Jeanie looks down at Billy's hand on her arm as if it were a giant Amazonian leech and all she wants for Christmas is a flamethrower so she can get rid of it. Billy finally says, "She isn't you." And there's this sort of faux sexual tension moment, only without the sexual tension. So it's just, you know, faux. "We've got our orders," Jeanie snaps. "Get her ready." She stalks off and makes a mental note to get new batteries for her vibrator on the way home because MAN! is she tense.

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The Agency

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