The Agency
The Year Of Lying Dangerously

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How do you say "sucks" in Indonesian?

Meanwhile, Jeanie and Poca are walking down one of the many halls of secrecy. Paige walks up and hands Jeanie an envelope containing "pocket litter" for Poca. Why doesn't she just hand it to Poca? Because Poca has inexplicably drifted off from Jeanie's side. No, I don't know why. Although I suppose it's to facilitate this next scene...

Billy walks up as Paige leaves and asks if she's got his ID ready. She runs off to get it as Jeanie asks Billy where the hell he's going. Where do you THINK he's going, Jeanie? McDonald's? He's going to flipping Indonesia. Duh. Jeanie wants to know if Cheese approved this little sojourn. Guess what, Jeanie? Cheese insisted on it. Because sometimes, when a hostage gets shot, you really shouldn't trust the future of American interests to a girl whose attitude is bigger than Antarctica. Jeanie's all worried that Billy doesn't blend in and therefore will potentially be a target. Billy says he'll be just fine and does she want one of those little hula dolls for her dashboard? Jeanie tells him that that's just what his brother said, and I think hula dolls aren't really, you know, Indonesian in origin, but thanks for the thought. Billy just walks off, promising to pick up a Kalimantan shot glass for the Jeanster at the airport.

Samarinda, Kalimantan, Indonesia. Again, no real way to kind of make that funny. Billy's in a cab, touring around the crowded city streets. He gets out at a building and walks up the stairs to an apartment. The Percussion Instruments Of You Will Find This Suspenseful If It Kills Us are working overtime as Billy enters the apartment through an already opened door. An attractive guy is sitting there in a wife-beater, just smiling at him. Shaking Billy's hand, he introduces himself as Sam from Tech. Alarmed at the lack of protocol and security, Billy says, "Guess you guys don't take passwords too seriously around these parts." "'These parts'?" Sam says. "What are you, John Wayne? Dude. Drop the bravado, all right? You're no Duke, that's for sure. Now shut up, check out your dossier, and whatever you do, DON'T TALK TO ME. EVER."

Big Bad's Bay Of Bad-Assedness. Big Bad gets out of his limo. Dude. What is he wearing? Looks like a shirt you'd see at a bad Athenian disco. Where's the gold chain and the pinky ring, Baddy? Go to town, my friend. The ladies just loooooove men who wear jewelry. Worked for Elvis.

Super Spy Happy Hideout. Billy asks Sam where their equipment is. Sam tells him it just got delivered and points to a crate with a bunch of stuff in it, mostly food and soda. "In here?" Billy asks. Sam waltzes over and pulls the bottom of the soda bottle off, revealing some kind of device. "You cook," he says, "I'll set the table." People. Sam is hot. I'm sure none of you watched the show, but he has that sort of Jet Li-ian quality that just tweaks my horny-strings. Sigh. Anyway, Billy opens up a loaf of bread, revealing a camera lens. Then he cuts open a watermelon, revealing another device. Um. The bread thing? I can kiiiiind of go with it, but the watermelon? What'd they do, grow the watermelon AROUND the device? Jesus. Whatever. There's so much jerky camera crap going on that I really can't be bothered to pay attention to such details as spy-device-sprouting watermelons.

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The Agency

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